People are fucking weird- can you relate? - PaleoHacks.com

People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T14:50:32Z

So, as I've been getting fitter, I've found that people will randomly tell me why they can't work out/eat right and/or are/would be better at working out/eating right than I would be, if only there wasn't some condition that prevents them from doing so. It's getting to be a regular occurrence (...well,as regular as weird can be, I guess).

Examples: Just now, I was filling up my water bottle at a fountain in the hallway at my work, and a coworker came up to me and told me about how her back hurts and this is why she can't work out. Yesterday, another coworker told me all about how she doesn't have time to eat right because she has to take care of her mom. Last night, a friend (who is, incidentally, diabetic, obese, and has heart issues...all at 32) told me that I won't really know what it's like to work hard at the gym until I flip tires like he did last year this one time. I could go on an on with examples like this.

I don't talk about any of the changes I've made in my habits unless someone asks me a direct question (which is rare), and I'm just generally a pretty quiet, easy-going, completely non-competitive person, so I'm left to conclude that people are reacting to to how I look and are feeling somehow threatened by it. Hence, people are fucking weird.

Have any of you out there in Paleo-land had similar experiences?

Answer by MathGirl72 for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:10:14Z

Like you, I don't proselytize, but will give information when asked. It's almost like people get offended that you don't live a crappy lifestyle like theirs. I've been dropping weight and getting control over my diabetes, yet people feel the need to explain why they could never do it or what I'm missing from "healthy" whole grains. (I haven't learned how not to laugh when that last phrase comes out of someone's mouth).

Perhaps they feel threatened by your success because they are doing nothing to help themselves. They are probably trying to convince themselves more than you that they "can't" do it!

Answer by polynesian_metal for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:11:43Z

Yes. Obviously you are stirring up a crockload of guilt from those people making unsolicited random comments. Our culture sends us messages of health and wellness, basically, everybody should be thin, athletic, YOUNG, and then our culture feeds us crap like processed foods, cheap grains, sedentary activities making it super difficult for people to break the chains of oppression. I think our culture intentionally keeps us off our guard and confused to create a need which doesn't exist and sells it to us with commercial media. For example: If a food is supposed to be SO healthy for us (pick any commercial diet food here) then why does a company have to spend so many MILLIONS of dollars to convince us that it is so. You are triggering an underlying guilt. People feel they need change but also feel helpless to do so. The drugs in the food and the media is overt mind control. It's oppression, man, and you are not really escaping it but working around it. I'm the opposite of you. I am super competitive and I take the opportunity to tell people how my life has changed. Also, your physique and discipline are signaling your Alpha status and people are trying to tear you down, they might not be aware of it.

Answer by cbucker for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:13:21Z

Ah, I can definitely relate, but interestingly enough I bet people acted the same way before you were cognizant of healthy lifestyle choices and you just didn't notice. the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon is where you learn about something or personally experience something and then you notice it thereafter all around you when really the 'thing' was around you before but your brain filtered the info out since it didn't (at that moment) pertain to anything of value to you. Shitz nutz forreal!

Answer by NewEra for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:14:37Z

Yep. I think it stems from guilt. "I know I should be doing thus and so for my health, but I'm not, so I feel bad about it, so I project that guilt and feelings of inadequacy onto other people in order to justify it to myself." Basically they are making excuses and lying to themselves. It's really only hurting them, however. I say it again and again. People will make any excuse to continue to eat crap, and sit on their ass. Someone busier than them is eating healthfully and making time to workout this very moment. You make time for what you truly want. Many people "want" to be fit and eat well, but don't TRULY want it enough to stop going through that drivethrough, stop picking up that junk at the store, stop ordering that garbage at the restaurant. Then they'll make excuses. "Well, this and that...and I HAD to." No. You never HAVE to unless you are literally starving to death.

Old (bad) habits die HARD. Most people will have a flash of vigor and Get Healthy...then time passes and there they are: Macaroni and Cheesing it up in front of the TV set. Happens every New Year when the resolutions start a-flyin'. I'm out walking my dog or doing sprints in January, and I see new joggers looking as if they are about to DIE...then February comes and....nobody.

Of course there is the odd person who truly cannot do certain workouts thanks to legitimate injuries or illnesses. And there are people who are very poor/have limited access to healthful foods. Not as many as like to think so, but they're out there too.

Answer by judybot for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:15:25Z

My guess is that your visible progress is making them feel self conscious about their non-progress. I agree people are weird. When I was still working, people would - unprompted, comment on how little I am and "just wait until your metabolism slows down when you get older...then you'll get fat like I did." Uh...ok. Some people just seem to be a lot happier when they have someone to be miserable with.

Answer by Captain Smoof for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:21:59Z

I agree 100%.

There's an old saying, "pain shared is pain divided, joy shared is joy multiplied". People like to "share" their pain, presumably in an effort to dilute their guilty feelings (as mentioned above by other posters). They're literally voicing their inner monologue that is triggered by seeing you.

As to excuses, you know what they say...they're like assholes - everyone has one and they all stink. My wife has a spinal fusion and still manages two crossfit and two spin classes per week. Granted, she sees an osteopath and a RMT regularly to keep her as aligned as possible, but it's all a matter of perspective.

Sports and fitness hurt. They're not easy. If they were, everyone would be god-like. And the thing that's even harder? Eating well.

Behaviour like this is frustrating, but to be honest, I kind of like it. You're clearly on the right path. Just try not to be too judgmental or condescending ;-) (sometimes easier said than done...).

Answer by samanthalee for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:24:53Z

Preachin' to the choir. People always have something to say.

Like you, I'm pretty quiet/easy-going, and never take it upon myself to make a comment about someone else's dietary choices/habits. Family members and co-workers (many of them overweight, diabetic, etc.) always like to put in their two cents with something along the lines of "Aw, you're so disciplined!" "Oh, no wonder you're so tiny!" "Why are you eating [or not eating] a, b, c?" I try to stay polite and explain things simply when asked, but there's usually a disproportionately defensive or overly-righteous response.

Bottom line: I do my thing, they do theirs. Ain't no reason for anyone's knickers to get in a bunch. So you do you, and continue feeling good about it.

Answer by Alvaro for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:26:01Z

If they can't rise, they try to pull you down

Answer by joanna for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:30:48Z

oh yeah. i totally know what you mean. i think since you are doing so well, people have to convince themselves why they aren't doing well... and that is usually with excuses.

Answer by Paleodude for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:36:01Z

OH!!!! I can relate 100%.... I had a close family member comment that I was looking too thin and even asked if I was sick??? WTH!!! They even went on and on saying that diets were unhealthy and that I was going to fall of the wagon and get bigger than ever. People are jealous,,,,PERIOD!!! Fit people, sad to say, are the minority these days. 2/3's - YES 2/3's of Americans are either overweight or obese. So to them, it's normal to overeat and under exercise. When they see a fit person they either mock you or make excuses why they can't get in shape. And I have to admit, at one time I was one of them; overweight and a couch potato.

And this is REALLY F....ing weird--- So I went to a friends party and the room was full of friends mostly guys. They offered me a beer and I declined and said I was on a strict Paleo diet and was really monitoring my carb intake. They all said WOW, you look great but we could never give up carbs as they chugged their favorite beer. Then they all abruptly stood up and went into another room and never brought the topic up the rest of the 3 hours we were all there. It's as if I was some sort of freak and they didn't want to associate with me. Weird!!!

I have no problem tooting my own PALEO horn. I look at this way. Maybe someone will look at me and listen to how I eat and it will help them get healthier. If they don't listen,,Oh well their loss....

Answer by Becca for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:47:38Z

I dont preach paleo but ppl will ask me about it and so many times say that they cant be on a diet that resricts them, as to say "thats nice for you that you suffer." it's a little jab to try and validate their choice.

The other annoying thing is family that know how we are eating now keep saying things like "well, i donno what you guys can eat on that cave man thingy" and "just eat this sandwitch it will be your cheat day!" or "you really need more carbs than you are getting!" then if i say no to the "cheat" thing they act so offended.

Answer by Diane for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T15:51:32Z

I think your question is kind of interesting because it made me realize this has been happening to me a little more. Nobody has ever said to me, wow, you've lost weight, you look great. Nobody has given me excuses or anything either. Instead they've just randomly started talking about going on weight watchers or whatever as if they think I'd be interested in their own weight loss journey for some reason. I've never really talked about my own diet, but I guess maybe it means people have noticed and this is their way of saying so.

Answer by Deniz for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T16:00:36Z

It's not easy to change, and people are very sensitive and stubborn, especially when they know they are in the wrong and aren't happy with their own way of life. (I'm speaking from my own personal experience, it took me a long time to fully commit) Not to sound like a fitspiration meme, but committed people find a way, and lazy people find excuses. Just keep going strong!

Answer by Pale Paleo for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T16:06:40Z

Yes,people are looking to you as they see you are doing things to help yourself, and they are not. A human's first instinct when they see something in someone else, they project, and want to validate in their mind why they cannot have what you have, i.e. things, health, relationship, etc.

It happens all of the time to me as well, and my goal is to give people the right information, and then it is on them to either use it to help themselves, or they can do nothing with it, that is their decision, but at least I informed them.

Share how things work for you, i.e. eating paleo, working out, etc. but only to those who want to listen to what you are saying and do not waste time on those who never attempt to change.

Remember, society has brain-washed everyone when it comes to food, workouts, etc. Why is low fat a good diet? Because society says it is, but the only real way to lose weigh is to eat high fat, high protein, low carb diets. Grains are the devil. Sugar is the deadly of all drugs. I could go on, but thankfully I am not society, I am a pale paleo trying to help humanity out one person at a time.

Answer by Jack Kronk for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T16:08:36Z

I agree with much of the content in the text body of your "question", but your headlining question does not really encompass the subject well. I think you can come up with something more applicable to Paleo than that.

Answer by Tina for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T16:12:51Z

I hear the unsolicited excuses too (and why they whine to the person who isn't in the same boat I will never understand) but I've had far more people come up and compliment me. I always smile and say "I feel great!" Some ask what I have been doing, others don't. I also have 4 coworkers that all started the same workout program this month and are motivating each other. Take a look around and maybe you will see that one or two quiet people are watching and listening.

I'm sure that some people, like your family, honestly care about you but have been taught to think a different way. The others? They are both literally and metaphorically swallowing poison and only hurting themselves.

Answer by matthew for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T22:21:50Z

I was dead lifting 160 kg for 3/3 after I was done I turned around started to walk to the pull up bar. When this huge guy walked up to me and said "your doing it all wrong" I looked at him I said " really what part of the was I doing wrong"? he said "your jerking at the top part of the lift" Looked at him said" Yea it the hardest part of the lift I never seen you dead lift before" reason why I know this is because no one dead lifts in my gym but me if they do it 20 kg dead lift. this is where it got weird he said "What you think you're trying to do show off that you got a big dick or something?" he seemed shocked by his own statement. This point I thought it would be best to walk away form this situation. 5 minutes pass I need to do my dead lifts so I do them fast I turn around and huge guy there again said" nice lift man" like nothing ever happen. That was my weirdest day in the gym so far. Sometime I think what would have happen just said to him matter factly "yes I have got a big dick"

Answer by Michelle for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-04T23:41:39Z

I think, in some way, people are trying to preemptively make excuses before they can be judged.

Answer by Ziu for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-05T02:02:45Z

Lack of empathy, contempt for the afflicted, narcissism.

At the early stages dramatic and unexpected improvements might feel overwhelming, but with time it all reaches a steady state of normality, acceptance of our own new body functioning, life-style, with its goods and sacrifices, and hopefully that will make us happier. And when we are happy we inevitably want everyone to be happy around us.

Answer by JeJ for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-05T02:19:47Z

I know you got a lot of positive responses on this, so I feel less bad saying this (because I know that you know people agree with you and are on the same page, so it's not a personal attack): this just seems really classist and ablist. Someone can't work out because their back hurts? Some days I can't walk from pain, let alone go to a gym- other times in my life I've been able to run 10 k's for the joy of it! There are so many people in chronic pain, silently suffering in the background who are crippled and unable to enjoy their bodies. It is a bad place to be stuck in. And someone has to take care of their mother so they can't cook? So, someone can't afford (financially, pride-wise, whatever) support for someone who clearly needs help, so they dedicate a huge amount of time, emotion, and physical effort into helping someone else. And that is somehow less respectable than cooking a meal that night instead? Using the whole "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and expecting people to put their heads down and muscle through is so unrealistic an expectation for so many people coming from so many backgrounds and life situations because of the society that we are in right now (and if you want to change the society, hey, that's a whole other topic).

Point being, "you make an ass out of you and me when you make assumptions". You don't know where people are coming from, what they have access to, or what they want out of life, so you don't get to judge them as inferior. These sorts of comments remind me of those "humble brags" where you do a "why people be doing this?" so that you can contrast it with just how darn well you are doing. Why do you need to compare yourself to others? Just go right ahead and enjoy how effing awesome you feel and all the great successes YOU have been able to accomplished. Enjoy YOUR life, and don't spend the time bringing yourself and other people down to compare it to others. If they are interested in what you are doing or want advice/tips- THEY WILL ASK. Direct or indirect, you know how much people hate it when others tel them how to parent their children? Same situation here.

Answer by Kara for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-05T14:19:04Z

One girl at work (vastly overweight with no urge to change) consistently eats macdonalds meals for lunch, and thinks of bags of candy as "snacks". Her whole family is diabetic, and overweight, even her 3 kids.

I wouldn't judge, except she always makes excuses to me, and will LITERALLY buy my favorite pre-paleo candy and leave a bag out when I'm working with her. You'd think it's to be nice- but no, it's to make herself feel better.

Anyways, I feel good and I'm not caving! Just replacing my almond joys with coconut bark ;)

Answer by Varelse for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-05T15:10:43Z

My favorite is the "but I have children!" excuse. It's their excuse for -everything-.

Answer by August for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-05T16:08:13Z

People were telling me I to stop losing weight while I was still somewhere between 30-60lbs overweight. As to the excuses- yeah, they are everywhere. People can't imagine giving up bread for the rest of their life, or they have this or that problem.
The exercise question is a delicate one though. Exercise can easily mess up weight loss- too much get's them hungry, and then there is the risk of injury. But, that issue aside, I find the idea of aches and pains being a reason not to workout funny, because I finally joined a gym because of aches and pains. I need a big enough signal to get through to these muscles and joints- and if I tried to do it at home I'd probably break my floor.

I can remember that I thought very differently before, and what looks insane now seemed reasonable and normal then. Much of this has to do with eating right, because then you can think right, but I suspect a lot has to do with the fact I don't watch the mainstream brainwashing entertainment. It seems to me these people are being taught to be the way they are.

Answer by Ziu for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-05T17:06:28Z

Then, not long ago: I was overweight, I did not feel good, I did not fit in the way I wished.

Recently: I have become leaner, I feel better and so excited, ...but a problem might arise here, the way to fit in, how to manage this new self.

Disdain for those who are still overweight, they feel not good, they do not fit in the way they wished. This sounds like retaliation for all those fingers we felt pointing at us when we were overweight, not feeling good, not fitting in the way we wished. On a psychoanalytic view looks like we are unleashing that particular anger against ourselves, in a way; or just that any anger from whatever source finds a (sickly) "socially accepted" target: the fat, the lazy, "those people" who we wish no longer feel related to us.

So looks like by following this (common) pattern we keep on fuelling this dog-eat-dog cycle, but from the other side. We all are pretty much the same and go in quest of happiness, which necessarily has to be out of this vicious cycle, not by just switching sides.

Answer by matthew for People are fucking weird- can you relate?

2012-10-05T17:16:40Z

I think the reason for these reaction that you are getting. Is because you are challenging people's belief systems there for they must come up with reason to validate there belief systems in order to feel better about there self.There by protecting there ego. The best course of action is to come up with a short sentence like "you should check out the paleo diet or go to robb wolf web site". Then switch the conversation to something else. This way you don't come off as some preachy health nut/sale man and they get the relevance information. ever ones happy