Paleo Diet and Paleolithic Diet Questions & Answers

Question

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i've seen a bunch of posts about decreased sex drive. sadly, i have the opposite problem.

i'm 33, female, been eating paleo for two months and my sex drive has really ramped up in the last month. i feel great, am in the best shape of my life, and i now understand how it feels to be a teenage boy. my husband, however, does not appreciate this and feels guilty and beleaguered. i feel like a weird cliche.

i have tried herbs to decrease my libido and they didn't work.

how can i make this stop? i now have so much sympathy for many of the men in the world.

flag	asked Mar 12 2012 at 1:57 dee 59●2

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Men seem to deal with this by pleasing themselves. It works for women too... – Bread-Eating Beelzebub Mar 12 2012 at 2:08

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..and why would you want to "make this stop".? – Resurgent Mar 12 2012 at 2:23

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Because her husband "feels guilty and beleaguered" I assume. Yes, pleasuring yourself is probably the best answer. – DThoris Mar 12 2012 at 2:35

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how in the world is this a problem – ben61820 Mar 12 2012 at 13:39

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What exactly are you eating? – Travis Culp♦ Mar 12 2012 at 23:52

show 7 more comments

No more. · Answer 1 · 2012-03-12 05:53:36Z UTC

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what do you need me to do?

answered Mar 12 2012 at 5:53

No more.
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Stay wary, dee, this guy's Not a Doctor. – Matthius May 12 2012 at 15:12

Eric · Answer 2 · 2012-03-12 02:25:18Z UTC

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This is an odd post. Maybe I should start a post with the title

Hack my (excessive) strength gains
Hack my (excessive) well-being
Hack my (excessive) fat loss and lean muscle gain
Hack my successful reversal of (insert auto-immune disease)

Just saying.....

answered Mar 12 2012 at 2:25

Eric
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For women this can be a huge burden because our culture tells us that it's something abnormal for women and often women don't know about the "outlets" that men use or they are stigmatized for women. I think this is changing though. You can now buy a vibrator at nearly any drug store these days. – Bread-Eating Beelzebub Mar 12 2012 at 2:44

Haahahahaha! So strange. I felt like a teenage boy when I was a teenage girl, so it kind of became normalcy for me. – Mick Jagger Mar 12 2012 at 4:36

... Melissa... REALLY?! Where are these drug stores?! o.O – Jess Mar 12 2012 at 6:08

Renee · Answer 3 · 2012-03-12 02:44:55Z UTC

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Sounds like the problem isn't your sex drive itself but rather its disparity with your husband's. Can you two come to a compromise about a frequency that you can both live with? And the rest of the time, just rent Drive and masturbate.

answered Mar 12 2012 at 2:44

Renee
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... or "300" ... – A at Grain Free Diet Mar 12 2012 at 2:49

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Good advice, Ryan Gosling is super-hot... – Eugenia Mar 12 2012 at 2:50

Tikivana · Answer 4 · 2012-03-12 05:38:51Z UTC

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What exactly is excessive? 3 times a week? 3 times a day?

answered Mar 12 2012 at 5:38

Tikivana
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dee · Answer 5 · 2012-03-12 13:22:20Z UTC

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i do masturbate, usually once or twice a day. it still doesn't stop me from wanting to have sex when my man's around. i like both! :) having sex once a day would be perfect, but i'd be happy with 3-4 times a week.

he feels like i need to get over it and stop thinking about it so much. i would honestly love to do that if it were that easy.

there is also a 17 year age difference between us, so maybe the issue is more about his lack of it than mine being excessive.

answered Mar 12 2012 at 13:22

dee
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Maybe get him to go on the paleo diet? – Bread-Eating Beelzebub Mar 12 2012 at 14:00

Oh damn, that stinks. #1 do not change anything that you're doing for yourself as it's healthy and makes you feel good. #2 Have you tried to just curl up on the couch with your hubs and very gently and honestly talk about it? #3 When was the last time he had a physical and are there other things going on with him that are affecting the sexy times? His response makes it sound like something could be.. (not) up. #4 Have you tried some good old dirty makeouts? Get all sweaty in the car? #4 Add the JimmyJane vibrator to your "toolbox." – jesuisjuba - paleorepublic.com Mar 12 2012 at 15:02

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I definitely can understand how this can be distracting and unwanted. Try some calming herbs like Kava kava, ashwagandha, or rhodiola. I'll have some more specific answers in a quarter or two after I take bot med. – No more. Mar 12 2012 at 20:38

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And seriously, as a student who gets burnt out sometimes (10 finals this week, but I'm presently doing fine) and sex then just doesn't feel desirable, don't force sex on someone without a sex drive. It's the worst. Help him rebuild his sex drive. Don't make him pretend. – No more. Mar 12 2012 at 20:40

Henry S · Answer 6 · 2012-03-13 02:15:11Z UTC

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A. You're the only woman I've ever heard say they have this problem. I wish I could marry you. I think all women are missing a sex hormone.

B. My sex drive is way off the charts, but I'm too fatigued during the day, and weird at night to attract any girls.

answered Mar 13 2012 at 2:15

Henry S
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Try being weird during the day and fatigued at night. – Travis Culp♦ Mar 13 2012 at 2:47

fatigued during the day and weird at night? I'm intrigued - could you explain more? anything you've done to fix this (I get daytime fatigue too fairly regularly...) – College Apr 22 2012 at 0:40

^ When I want to be awake, like talking to a girl, I get immensly tired. when I want to rest, like laying in bed, I am wide awake. It's like narcalepsy, it's like another person is living in me trying to make everything go wrong. – Henry S Apr 23 2012 at 21:10

Harlekini · Answer 7 · 2012-03-13 11:50:43Z UTC

Masturbate! It's impossible to always have sex. Enjoy it and masturbate as much as you can. A man cannot and should not be expected to always satisfy you. I think it's fantastic and I'm quite jealous actually :D So don't put pressure on him and just take care of it yourself. There is no rule saying that you have to stop masturbating just because you're in a relationship.

primallykosher · Answer 8 · 2012-03-13 03:57:18Z UTC

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You could always try fapping to weird things. That might kill the drive. Maybe try to become a swinger with your husband and get him extra zinc and fats.

answered Mar 13 2012 at 3:57

primallykosher
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we are trying extra zinc and fats- and he is getting his testosterone levels checked. fapping to weird things? lol - maybe the shame of jerking it to 'weird things' will make me so disgusted with myself i'll get over it - thanks. – dee Mar 14 2012 at 1:32

cerement · Answer 9 · 2012-03-13 05:28:31Z UTC

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I'm voting with the consensus here. Bring your husband up to your level. Don't drag yourself down to his level ...

answered Mar 13 2012 at 5:28

cerement
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The thing is, some people just naturally have a lower libido, so unless something is interrupting his libido and he doesn't want to fix it, for most people it's a compromise between the differences of libidos. – JeJ Mar 13 2012 at 18:21

HA · Answer 10 · 2012-03-13 05:43:02Z UTC

I don't know that either of you are doing something so terrible. Sometimes the person we love is different from us in an important way. Your husband's less intense sex drive doesn't mean anything is wrong with him, just as your more intense drive doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.

I guess what I'd suggest is more conversation (it's the shrink in me!). What if you discussed what seems like a fair solution to this problem. If it's viewed as a shared problem --that you have differing sex drives, rather than that one of you has something abnormal or wrong, perhaps you can approach it in a more open way.

Is there a frequency that seems reasonable to both of you? Could you live with twice per week? Would physical contact such as massage help you tolerate less sex? Could it make him feel more sexually inclined? Is there any issue of erectile difficulty for him? Is there something you could do (clothing, behavior, etc.) that could make sex more enticing for him?

I guess what i'm suggesting is a good old fashioned brain storming session, done with lots of love and creativity, and without judgment. This may have not so much to do with paleo as with relationship changes with time, and the challenge is finding a way to grow together even as you may change.

eakthekat · Answer 11 · 2012-03-13 17:25:34Z UTC

I had the same problem, at first. I went from 0 drive to "any time is a good time" over night. While my wife enjoyed it at first, it got old for her after a while. We sat down and had many discussions about it and settled on terms of frequency and in the process discovered more about what we liked and didn't like. So, in other words, I agree with the others who suggested talking it out.

Another suggestion is looking into something like Tantra or sexual kung fu. It could be beneficial for both of you. You would learn how to better manage your urges and he would learn how to rise to the occasion. It helped me a lot.

good luck.

foreveryoung · Answer 12 · 2012-05-12 17:51:22Z UTC

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So how seriously do you take that whole monogamy thing? Jk, you can always resort to masturbation. Or am I? Just kidding. Maybe?

It's not a problem though, take it as a sign of vitality and self awareness.

edited May 12 2012 at 17:51

answered May 12 2012 at 15:58

foreveryoung
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Or start combing the high-schools... – Cory151 May 12 2012 at 17:14

Pedrita · Answer 13 · 2012-03-12 22:27:36Z UTC

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I have read in this same forum people saying that their sex drive lowered when they lowered their carbs. What's your carb intake?

answered Mar 12 2012 at 22:27

Pedrita
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pretty high, actually. good point- even though i'm paleo i'm still eating liberal amounts of carbs. i'll try that- thank you! – dee Mar 14 2012 at 1:34

JeJ · Answer 14 · 2012-03-13 18:19:25Z UTC

Okay, unless your are obsessed with sex and it is interrupting your day-to-day life, your sex drive is NORMAL. You a once-a-week-er?? You masturbate multiple times a day?? Either way there is NOTHING wrong with you, but I agree that it can cause some tensions in a couple if your libido doesn't match up. Two solutions:

1) Masturbate. Lots of women know how to masturbate, some are seasoned masters, but lots of ladies that experience continued sexual frustration haven't tried out all their options or really practiced enough. Buy a vibrator, search it on the internet, buy a book, set aside some alone time. If you think your husband will feel "threatened", have a proper conversation about it. If you are weirded out masturbating while other people are home (ladies are more paranoid about this in general, thanks society), make sure your vibrator is water proof and have a long shower. No body will know if you don't want them to, and you will feel better.

2) Talk to your husband and work out something for both of you. Hubby have a hard time having sex because he is tired in the evening? Both of you commit to getting more sleep, or give morning sex a whirl. Does stress stand in the way of sex? Communicate to each other when you feel like it's just "too much" so that neither of you feel offended. Try exercising or a way to relax together. Do your libidos just not match up? This can happen- not everyone wants sex the same amount, there is NO "normal amount of sex". See how much would work for him, then make up the difference with my first point.

HuntingBears · Answer 15 · 2012-05-12 14:49:36Z UTC

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Hack my first world problem

answered May 12 2012 at 14:49

HuntingBears
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word. it sure is- but my guess is that most of these are 'first world problems'. your response was super helpful, thanks! – dee May 14 2012 at 12:32

hack my (excessive) sex drive

15 Answers