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I was curious to know if anyone else has a significant other that doesn't do Paleo.

My question is that I am the only cook in the house, so whatever I make is what we eat, however, on occasion, my bf will pick up things like Bread and Pizza from the grocery store. I have no problem with the fact he isn't 100% Paleo, since he works out with me, does occasional IF, although he doesn't realize it, and never has gotten sick in his life. He never complains about my cooking and never tells me its not healthy, in fact he enjoys everything i make....

I wonder if I am doing more harm to him though, since I will make a meal with a good amount of fat, i.e coconut oil, 80% grass-fed beef, bacon, etc, and then he may eat something like bread with it. I don't want to make him end up with high cholesterol or give him a heart attack, so do you have any advice, make cook with less fat when preparing his meals?

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PaleoGirl, I am wondering about a portion of your question that hasn't been answered yet - which I can relate to. My husband does not eat strict paleo but I often cook with bacon grease, use a lot of butter (more than accepted on a SAD diet), and use a lot of bacon. I know this is all part of a paleo diet, but if it's paired with the consumption of regular grain and sugar in my hubby's diet, is it in any way negatively affecting their health? – DanielleO812 Mar 13 2012 at 13:08
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You are doing fine with the fat you are using. The only dangerous fats are polyunsaturated (especially n6) - ie. veg/seed oils and transfats (anything 'hydrogenated'). Saturated and monounsaturated fats don't suddenly become damaging in the presence of wheat. – Dave S. Mar 13 2012 at 13:22
Yes DNO812, that was exactly my question. I fear that the combination of fat and carbs, which may or may not spike his blood glucose levels creating an insulin release may cause him to store fat with the glucose...But if I'm cooking with healthy fats then the effect is negated? – PaleoGirl Mar 13 2012 at 21:50

24 Answers

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My wife and son are not paleo, but they eat my food. My wife usually makes some sort of starchy goody to go with the food I cook.

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Same here... typically my fiancee and son will make rice or a starch to go with what I make.

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My wife is pregnant, so our house is carb city, even though I don't eat any of it. I try not to make jerky or liver when she's at home. She tries to buy carbs that are wheat based, since those are the least tempting to me. For dinners, I make the meat and veg, she adds pasta or rice (usually, but not always), and everything is usually fine.

As far as the fat goes, as long as you are working with good fats, they shouldn't make him less healthy. Adding good even when you don't remove bad is a net good, right?

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My husband isn't paleo but something interesting has happened...

I am the only one that cooks, so all the meals are paleo. He won't even bother to lift a finger, to say, bake a loaf of frozen garlic bread..so the meals are really paleo.

So he has been eating less grain. A lot less grain. He started complaining that he was getting a stomachache when he ate cookies, or when he ate at a burger place. As I figure it, all of that hard earned tolerance to grain is dissolving...I think he was at least gluten intolerant all a long!

So now he is not eating grain!! With zero pressure from me!!

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That is awesome :) – Jp2gen Mar 12 2012 at 20:58
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I have seen the same. He has an upset stomach if he eats something processed. He eats like 75% less grains/etc bc I dont make it. – PaleoGirl Mar 12 2012 at 21:04
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What a fantastic result! Has he noticed any other changes yet? – Suz - Paleo Oz Mar 12 2012 at 22:32
Suz -Other than a complete lack of belly aches, none others so far! Allergy season is approaching for him, so I am curious as to his level of reaction this year. – Senneth Mar 12 2012 at 22:45
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me. my mrs sinks litres of coke and eats lots chocolate with fried chips and takeaways

yet weighs 7st (but probably not a healthy 7st)

doesnt faze me and i cant seem to change her either.

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Love the expression "My mrs sinks litres of coke".Wonder what side of the Atlantic you are from!Or is that South Pacific? Also what are takeaways? Generic term for takeout fast food, or something specific? – shah78 Mar 12 2012 at 22:21
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Im Scottish :) takeaway = pick up phone order food, food arrives lol – badly_dubbed Mar 12 2012 at 22:41
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I wonder if I am doing more harm to him though, since I will make a meal with a good amount of fat, i.e coconut oil, 80% grass-fed beef, bacon, etc, and then he may eat something like bread with it. I don't want to make him end up with high cholesterol or give him a heart attack...

I don't understand the logic. If you are going to eat bread then is it healthier to consume PUFAs and other NADs also? Are you seriously wondering if it is causing harm for your boyfriend to eat healthy foods and bread as opposed to unhealthy foods and bread?

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I think I know how she is thinking. I used to think this way when I did Atkins years ago. I felt like the fat I was eating was only healthy because I wasn't adding starches to it. If I were to add starch it would make the fat "stick." Now I am able to see that these fats are healthy independent of what you're eating with it. Hope that makes sense. Is that how you are looking at it, Paleo Girl? – twochickadeez Mar 12 2012 at 21:15
I think in Lustig's(or elsewhere?) talk you find a bit about high fat ok, high carb ok, high fat and high carb = death and that's the question. Of course, non-industrial oils are far less damaging than "vegetable oils." – raydawg Sep 1 at 12:31
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My wife and daughter are not paleo and eat whatever for meals I am not around. My wife will cook paleo friendly meals for dinner and maybe add in some carbs. Now that I am eating more starch (still little to no grain except rice on occation) it has even been easier. You can't force people to eat a certain way. Just do your thing and let others do theirs.

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My wife is not paleo, and we cook our own individual meals.

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hows that workin out for you? – Mallory Mar 13 2012 at 0:31
Alex - I'd be interested in hearing how you deal with this. My husband is semi-vegetarian and is convinced that he needs to make 90% of his diet salad, yogurt, and berries, which means I'm completely on my own for almost all meals. It's no fun cooking for one! – killerbee Mar 13 2012 at 1:10
Our diets have gone in different directions, and we rarely even eat at the same time. Communal cooking and eating is no longer something we do, and we're fine with it. There's nothing to deal with... it's just the way things evolved. – Alex Mar 13 2012 at 1:51
My husband and I are the same way, I occasionally cook for him, even bake corn muffins for the man if he has a hankering. But he eats at work and very, very late at night, and I eat before the sun goes down and no more. Not only separate diets but separate mealtimes. Social eating isn't really our thing and it works out just fine. – Canis Minor Mar 13 2012 at 13:26
My significant other and I will often have separate meals. He's not paleo or active. I'm paleo and very active, so I usually am hungry for dinner way before he is, so I just make my food when I'm hungry and he does the same. On the weekends we'll often eat together, my lunch or second lunch and his breakfast. I'd say we share a sit down dinner with each other about 2-3 times a week. It works, lots of dish doing though. – Lindsay Mar 13 2012 at 20:13
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My wife is definitely not Paleo and I sometimes struggle when she describes her difficulty maintaining her weight, allergies, anxiety, etc.

Ultimately, however, I would be doing more harm than good if I took it upon myself to police her eating habits.

I'm a big believer in Self Determination Theory (that the basic human psychological needs are competence, autonomy and connectedness) and therefore do what I can to create an open environment where she feels supported and loved.

If she asks me a question I'm happy to answer honestly and she does tend to eat like me more now that all of my home cooking and dinners out are firmly in the paleo/primal category.

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This sounds exactly like my situation. – JasonAC556 Sep 1 at 0:19
Ditto, except mine is skinny as a rail, but worse since she feeds the kids junk food behind my back. I've tried to make bread replacements and other substitutes, but she still takes them out to fastfood places, complete with soda. – raydawg Sep 1 at 12:27
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My SO is not Paleo either, but I cook entirely Paleo. He is a EMT and works nights, so he does have to eat out (since he is not packing his own food) so usually he eats a burrito from the taco truck or Chipotle, etc. Not the best choices BUT, because of my cooking he has lost 18 lbs in the last 3 months. He says he feels better when he eats what I cook. The side effect is weight loss and he feels better! He switched from his normal Starbucks Vanilla Lattes to iced coffee with heavy cream too. Hey, at least my influence is helping!

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I'm the only one doing Paleo in my house. My husband does the majority of the cooking during the week and I asked him to sub almond meal in my portion of the meatballs he was making for spaghetti and meatballs for the kids. He liked my version so much he has now started to make all the meatballs and now meatloaf with almond meal and the kids (all 4) have no idea! Now we don't buy breadcrumbs anymore. Babysteps.....

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My husband and 9 year old son are not paleo but my husband cooks me the most amazing paleo meals every single night, and buys me all my paleo foodstuffs at the farmers' market, local good butcher etc. That's love.

It would be easier for me to make a case for paleo if both weren't healthy, lean and fit, but they are, so I don't have much leverage.

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My boyfriend is Paleo-ish. He still has his morning Mountain Dew, he makes a sandwich for his lunch (with a side salad now!), and there isn't a whiskey he isn't shy of. On the plus side, he does not smoke cigarettes (just the rare cigar, as do I), eats more vegetables than he used to, eats less fried food than he used to, goes in with me on grass-fed cowshare, and does more exercise, including yoga. When we cook together, we make a nice protein and a green vegetable, simply prepared. So while there is always room for improvement, I'm not going to nag him, simply lead by example.

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I'd worry more about the soda than the whiskey. :) Any chance you might try to make your own version of that soda, say with a bit of coffee, lime juice, stevia and soda water? If you get it close to the taste, would he drink it? – raydawg Sep 1 at 12:33
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The Perfect Health Diet is easier to pull off in mixed paleo homes. Still Paleo but with potatoes and white rice.

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That's pretty much how I get round it. If he has oven chips I just don't, but if its mashed potatoes made with lots of butter and heavy cream I have some and I occasionally have a small portion of rice if he's having it. He sometimes has bread but there's no pasta or cakes or stuff like that in the house. – queen of the stone age Apr 26 2012 at 18:35
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I'm more PHD/WAPFish these days and the boyfriend isn't. I do most of the cooking and he eats what I cook, but has a stash of tortilla chips and bagels and so on. And if he has a hankering for something bready/pasta-y, I'll cook it for him if I get around to it (which isn't all the time). All this is to say that he's a big boy and can eat/not eat whatever he wants. I think it's important to be responsible for ourselves, and let others be responsible for themselves too.

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My Boyfriend isn't technically Paleo but I do all of the grocery shopping and all of the cooking so when he eats at home-he's eating Paleo. He doesn't compain at all about the meals i prepare or the food that I buy. I know that he eats gluten while he is at work though. He knows the benefits of what I am doing, so it is up to him if he wants to get full on board. It should be the same for you. Your boyfriend knows what you are doing, and it is his choice what he eats.

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I'm in the exact same situation. My bf cannot imagine not having toast for breakfast or a sandwich for lunch. I'm lucky that I have a full kitchen at work to cook in but he only has a microwave. I try and make sure he has paleo leftovers for lunch but it's not always possible. Also, he is a total sugar addict. He won't drink Coke or eat at Twix at home (I do all the cooking and grocery shopping), but he will at work :/ – Amanda Mar 13 2012 at 12:06
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My Fiance & room mate are both not Paleo but will try the same dinner meals i cook or if i am making a stew, stir fry or my fav zucchini carrot spag bog i will sometimes cook pasta or rice for them but keep my meal Paleo and reduce the amount of oils i use on the night the boys are eatting pasta or other no paleo carbs but if your worried with the amount of oil ect you cooking with you could rejuce it or if you partner is not feeling unwell or gaining to much weight he may be alright but you could always on night he has eaten high carbs reduce the oil amount.

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Me and my husband were both vegetarians and love cooking for each other. Now I am Paleo I add fish or meat to my meals while he adds rice or bread to his. He will eat my paleo banana bread and cookies but he is a buddhist and has been for 25 years so will not be convinced to give up his vegetarianism. I do miss the communal eating and sharing. I am trying to convince him to come to the paleo side without pushing him but he is super fit and his dad is 90 and still very healthy so not much incentive. I have gotten him to give up Soy by reading the chapter on soy in 'The Vegetarian Myth'. I am hoping when my health starts to improve significantly he will be slowly convinced.

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My girlfriend is vegetarian and she argues that vegetarianism is more sustainable and has less impact than the way I eat...even though I get a majority of my calories from the side of beef I purchased. It makes for interesting debate. Otherwise, she eats pastured eggs and organic veggies, but she also likes pastas and grains.

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Show her the various videos on Polyface farms and interviews with Joe Salatin, especially the part about how many rabbits and other mammals are sliced up by combines that run those acres of soy and wheat. – raydawg Sep 1 at 12:39
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My mother is not paleo...

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My Boyfriend is not Paleo but he is ok to eat anything I make. Sometimes I feel selfish; choosing healthy foods are expensive and get frustrated because the foods I buy are organic, non-processed, and grass fed and the foods he buys are cheap-not-good-for-you-types. I'm holding out but also being honest with myself.

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My spousal unit isn't Paleo. And on his own, I'm sure he eats loads of junk I'd want to stay away from. We eat about 4 or 5 dinners together a week, and breakfast together on Sunday. But, after 6 years of diet changes... Always soy free for an allergy, then GF, and now Paleo, his main objective is to make a meal that doesn't make me sick. We take turns cooking every other day. We've always used olive oil and he's always been a bigger meat eater than I was, I'm sure things will stay about the same. Also, everyone's body is so different.

Also, sounds like you need to teach your man how to cook...

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I'm sure he'd not want moobs or to cut down his own sex drive, so he'll want to avoid soy all by himself. – raydawg Sep 1 at 12:38
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I don't think you would be doing harm to him.

In our house, I cook a portion of our meals Paleo for me, but then I have non-Paleo options too for my SO. It's not really convenient, but I can't get him to understand that fat is not the enemy...yet. I did get him to give up the processed dairy he was using in his oats and cereal. Now if I could just get him to give up the oats and cereal. It's a frustrating process, so I feel for you.

Wish you the best and maybe eventually he will come around.

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Too bad, as bacon, steak, and eggs for breakfast is enticement enough for most. – raydawg Sep 1 at 12:36
He loves steak (not the fatty kind) and eggs (only cooked certain ways and only until he gets tired of them), but thinks bacon is gross because it's fatty and hates the taste of butter. I can't win I swear! – hackadoodle82 Sep 1 at 13:00
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I did. Key word, did.

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Congrats on the conversion (or if not, on the upgrade.) – raydawg Sep 1 at 12:35
Upgrade :) Had to happen. Wasn't working. – KA24 Sep 1 at 16:13

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