So, I'm a personal trainer and I want to go ahead and chime in with the others that lifting heavy won't bulk you up. But, I think you also want an answer to "how do I... without". My answer is: lift heavy. Functional, compound movements -- squats, deads, press. Start with a beginner progression -I like a 5x5 like Mark Rippotoe's Starting strength or add in some assistance work for hypertrophy. Others will chime in with whatever they do. Take it easy, be sure to recover, hydrate, dial in diet. When you're increasing the resistance training, drop the long cardio, at least at the start - doing too much will make it more likely that you feel tired, hungry, not fully recovered - too high cortisol/stress hormones - overeating - holding onto fat.

Personally, I feel stronger, I like my new, more muscular look. I'm about 5 pounds heavier, but 5% less body fat and like Je Suis, about 1/2 in. taller...(can't explain this). I sleep better and I'm more in tune with my body cues. Worse case scenario, you can give this a try and if you just hate your 6-pack, you can always go back to whatever you were doing before ;-)

I honestly wouldn't worry about it at all. You would have to seriously try to put on enough muscle to make you look masculine, i.e. eat to grow and hit the gym too many times a week.

I have a few girl friends who lift heavy weights (relative) 2-3 times a week and have been doing so for a few months now. They too feared that they would get bulky but it hasn't been the case with any of them. Just gradual weight loss with a subtle hint of muscle tone.

The idea that working out will make you bulky is a myth that is especially prevalent among the females I know.

Note that people who want to bulk up often have a very difficult time achieving their goals. It takes years of dedicated lifting, supplements, and a crazy high protein diet. So when somebody expresses concern over looking bulky, it sounds a little crazy, almost arrogant, to experienced lifters. A good answer is: don't worry, that'll be the least of your concerns, especially since leaning out is easier than bulking up (muscle tissue is biologically expensive, and your body doesn't just pack it on without a fight).

A common mistake among females is to attempt to avoid bulking up by doing high-rep 'toning' workouts rather than lifting heavier weights at lower reps. This is the opposite of what you should do. Low-weight high-rep workouts produce the big water-filled muscles that you notice on the beach. Whereas high-weight low-rep workouts geared toward strength produce smaller, denser, and more functional results.

Regarding crossfit, some xfit girls look thick and masculine, while others maintain their feminine figures with ease. This is clear from a quick scan of xfit youtube videos. The difference is only partly due to genes. Those thick, muscular girls have been working on their olympic lifts for years. They aren't just doing the WOD three times a week.

If your squat gets insane, here is a preview of what you will look like... in like 5 years :)

.

A good example of how strong does not mean "bulky":
Julia Rohde: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4g1jU9sVbQ

after over 10 years of HEAVY lifting - powerlifting - my thighsection starts to look something like that pic. i admit i have more muscle thatn the average girl but way less than a figurecompetitor for example. and it has been 10 years of heavy work 5-6 times a week sometimes 2 x a day. no worries. lift heavy, eat paleo and look in the mirror. you wont wake up one morning bulky. you will see the changes happen and you can tweek and change while you go.

Hey cinnamon,

I played roller derby for 5 years. At 5"2 and size zero, I actually tried very hard to bulk up. Playing roller derby means skating hard and fast (I was a jammer), knocking others and getting knocked around a lot; I played for the love of the sport and athleticism. I was eating large quantities of protein and taking all sorts of supplements, including creatine. I lifted heavy weights 4x a week. Did I bulk up? Not really. I had a great shape and strong muscles, but they were certainly not over defined. Every body us different, but I think it's very unlikely you will become masculine looking!

Honestly I think the best way is to just try it without any particular restrictions/reservations, and see how it affects your body. It's not like it will have a irreversible effect on your body. Worse case is that you will have to change the way you work out. Most likely I don't think that will be a problem. If a woman is muscular and works out, it was probably because they are more inclined to have that body type, and were muscular to begin with.

I don't really agree with crossfit much but this is a great Article that discusses what i think you are talking about.

http://www.crossfitsouthbay.com/2011/05/skinny-fat/

I always found it pretty impossible to get a body-builder look. I grew up working in barns, carrying water/hay/straw, mucking stalls, rubbing horses, etc. and if I was standing still you couldn't have told any difference between me and sedentary city girls.

Even when I became an exercise junkie (typical week was 250 miles on my bike, 3 aerobics classes, 2 body sculpting classes and line-dancing 4 nights per week) and managed to achieve low body fat for a year or two you couldn't tell how fit I was unless you touched me. A few people were surprised by how firm/fibrous my muscles felt but I found that funny.

I think "fast twitch" females might show a little more muscle but I've never seen a woman with more than lovely toned limbs unless she was abusing her body with dehydration, etc.

I work out by lifting weights about three times a week, and my shoulders have definitely grown bulkier to a point where I'm a little self conscious about it. To halt the growth but hopefully maintain definition, I've been purposely not lifting more than 30lbs overhead with no more than one set of 10 reps. On the other hand, I've seriously been challenging my lower body, and my thighs seem to be getting slimmer and more defined.

I've known some women who claim to bulk up in their thighs when lifting, but that's definitely not the case for me, despite being somewhat bottom heavy. So, I wouldn't trust any blanket statement like "You'll bulk up if you lift" or "You have to try really hard to bulk up by lifting," and just experiment. Increased muscle mass will boost your metabolism, and the gains in strength will give you more energy throughout the day.

Agree with Todd. I like the Primal Blueprint Bodyweight workout, personally.

This depends somewhat on what you define as "muscular." If you mean looking like a bodybuilder with bulging veins and arms the size of your neck, there is absolutely nothing to worry about. If you're talking about having defined and visible muscles, it may not be totally avoidable.

Without supplementation, women's bodies will not develop muscularly the same way men's do. The female lifters who look like men almost always take large amounts of male hormones (and spend hours in the gym) to achieve that look. Even if you do lift heavy, you will not have manly muscles unless you want them. I know women who follow heavy barbell programs (Stronglifts 5x5 and the like) and still look lean and feminine (not to mention getting scarily strong).

Still, every person is different, so you may develop differently. Try a strength program for a month or two, and if you see unwanted aesthetic changes, cut back or change your routine.

Here is a link for a good discussion of your concern- http://everydaypaleo.com/2011/07/03/women-and-muscle/

See my answer to a similar question here:

http://paleohacks.com/questions/106967/can-i-strength-train-two-muscle-groups-in-one-day-basically-can-i-strength-tra/106979#106979

If you get trapped under fallen rock, or barbells from the sky, that strength training comes in handy.

stronglifts.com also has a really good 5 x 5 program. I have tried lifting but i can't get into it so I prefer bodyweight for strengh training and its virtually impossible to get huge in bodyweight but you will get lean and strong. Take a look at the book Convict Conditioning by Paul Wade. I am loving it.

Matt

I see no one has recommended New Rules of Lifting for Women (Lou Cosgrove et al.) yet, so I will. ;-)

If you don't like your arms there's a lot worse exercise than plain old pushups. Need no equipment, can be done anytime, anywhere, can be modified to be easier or harder depending on your current strength level.