When I was on SAD and out of control, I tried not eating "normally" and eating that way and neither one worked. I was a yo-yo and binge eater for 50 years. And you're not a monster but as a binge eater you are by definition dysfunctional--I remember many times as a binge eater I was so full of food I couldn't swallow.
When I came to this lifestyle, I went through a series of learning/adjusting cycles and I've been in control since August 2011. Briefly, my phases were:
- willpower (3 months)
- relapse, 2 binges in 2 weeks
- new start
- IF (intermittent fasting)
- drinking water kefir
- healed gut, end of binge eating
I'll try to leave out useless details, Here are some things to consider:
- binges tend to be driven by emotion (good/bad), malnutrition (eating pounds of junk but incomplete nutrition) and addiction (usually sugar, wheat or both)
- after a binge day, you have an opportunity to start again--every time. There is no permanent failure
My way may not help you at all, but here's what I did.
Step one: The first food of the day had to be fatty meat--it doesn't matter if it's a pound of meat, as long as there's plenty of protein/fat. The purpose of this is to make sure your body has essential nutrients. Note: this will not stop your brain from firing up impulses to binge, but if you're already stuffed with fatty meat your ability to binge on junk is seriously impaired and you've started to overcome any malnutrition. If you like them, it's okay to have veggies as well but most of the meal must be the meat.
Step two: If you are able to do step one, and start to feel hungry, pay attention to your hunger signals--are they cramps and squeezes coming from your stomach, or "eat" messages from your brain? If you open the fridge and cupboards--which should NOT have anything but whole, healthy foods--do you get a "No" message? Do you see where I'm going with this? Hunger is just a physical sensation from your stomach and there's no true urgency. Brain messages are much stronger, very urgent screams from your brain--and that's addiction. If you're full of fatty meat and your brain is screaming for junk, your best options are to distract yourself and get away from your kitchen. Go for a long walk, drive to the laundromat or hardware store or garden center.
Step 3: Okay, you ate lots of meat and you delayed eating until your stomach said it was time to eat again. Don't worry about whether that's in 3 hours or not until the next day--the important thing is that the urge comes from your stomach. Now, eat a leafy salad unless there's a health reason you can't--a LARGE salad that's just leaves and crunchies such as celery, cukes, etc. After your salad (oil and vinegar) guess what? Eat more fatty meat!
Step 4: If you find yourself not needing food again until the next day, that's IF and it's fine. If you need more than one meal per day, who cares? Keep paying attention to your urges--true hunger will come from your stomach and won't be over-whelming. Cravings will come from your brain but if you're eating plenty of fatty meat they'll be less powerful--distract or get away again.
Let's face it, at some point you may binge again. I know I did. DO NOT say "I'm a monster." Say, "Well, back to step one." Keep hitting the fatty meat to help moderate your cravings and help your gut heal.
In my case, I give a lot of credit for my remission/cure to water kefir. When I started drinking it, I soon noticed that if I got "itchy" with binge urges and sat down to sip a fizzy bottle of water kefir by the time I finished the water kefir the cravings were gone.
Saying "I failed" or "I'm a monster" is part of the disorder. Starting again is part of the recovery. Which do you want?