You may be suffering from a baby deficiency. I know I am, because every once in a while, somebody brings a baby near me. Babies trigger some sort of soothing biochemical cascade. They are also small and squirmy and need lots of care and attention. Mysteriously they fill up the emptiness. Then they go away and the emptiness returns.

This so resonates with me. I had an office job at 70% for four years and it nearly drove me mad. I felt like I was always running around trying to manage my life and family so I could get to that desk and chair to do my job. So I quit and went into business for myself. It was a huge decision that took me ages to make. Since then, I have been able to make the same amount of money in a fraction of the time and I have my freedom - if it's a beautiful day and I don't have any pressing deadlines I can ditch everything and go for a hike. I have time for my kids. Time to prepare decent food for my family. I could go on. Sometimes you just have to take the plunge (and the risk) and hope it works out.

Have you read "The Shallows" by Nicolas Carr? In it he makes the argument that the internet is actually changing our brains - our neural structures are adapting to flitting from one thing to another and multitasking, but as a result we're losing our ability to think long and deeply about things. As a philosopher of sorts, that really disturbs me. There was also an article in the NYT recently about how 3D real relationships with real people are being replaced by little snippets of connection in cyberspace, and how this is not good for the soul. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/the-flight-from-conversation.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=opinion

I have written and thought a lot about this. But I'm as addicted to the internet as anyone else. It's hard to know how to find a good balance in the world today.

Shortly before becoming Paleo, I went minimalist, can move in a snap...and became a very basic needs sort of guy. (Very, very basic.) Travel light. Live clutter-free, stress free.

Now, my spending consists of...food ,rent, and the occasional gas. Some experiences here and there (tickets for concerts, tough mudder, eating out...) but nothing I own doesn't have a "experience" function. I've even went poo-less, and own less than probably 50 things.

It's advanced me leaps and bounds in enjoying relationships and experiences, rather than...stuff.

People can say, "it's not cozy." (I actually find waking up in a bare, clean, white room ridiculously zen and stress-free.) But although my room is empty, my heart and head are full, and since that's always so close to me, the world is never empty.

My two cents.

My idyllic life: small, sturdy house in the woods. Land with potable water nearby. My guy in a plaid shirt chopping wood and occasionally walking up behind me to kiss me on the neck. Me hunting with a bow for our dinner (because he couldn't do it and I love him even more for that). A few little cavekids growing up in the sunshine. Garden. Vegetables. Hard work that is good work because it makes something. Showering outside because we're using the bathtub to make whiskey. A really bitchin' insect collection.

Having many more of those moments in the woods when everything is so quiet and right that it feels like there is a tuning fork in my chest.

Often I think idyllic life would be communal living, hunting, gathering, building shelter, growing vegetables/fruits, digging wells for water, making clothes, etc. Of course, until I've actually tried it for a while, no way to know if I'd like it any better. Goes without saying, you'd have to give up a lot of modern conveniences. I like to think that wouldn't be a problem, but who knows. Few things stopping me from trying it:

1. I suspect my wife wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much as I would
2. I make a decent living now. We're comfortable, safe, healthy. Hard to give that up without knowing for sure what you're getting into
3. I'm guessing if there are opportunities like this, the standard of living isn't too high?
4. Most importantly - I don't think it's fair to make the choice for my kids. Growing up in a place like that, would likely make it difficult for them to move back into "normal" society later in life if they wanted to

This is the best question/comment ever posted on this board.

Unfortunately the large majority of our society operates in a way which drives forward this big hulking consuming machine.. you can live differently, but it isn't easy.

A practice of 'mindfulness' has been hugely important in my life as I try to live 'against the grain'

For me, peace and well-being is about accepting that life will inevitably be a mixture of pleasant and unpleasant experiences. No way around it. On days when I can accept that, I feel content no matter what my circumstances.

yeah the lack of community is sad to me... i think it's a lost necessity of the human race. it seems like everyone wants to have 600 friends from behind a computer screen but they don't even get to know their neighbors, that seems so backwards to me. i think the computer is probably one of our greatest inventions and resources but also one of our biggest downfalls. it allows us to share all the information we could ever share with people all over the world basically free of charge. it allows us to connect with people all around the world but it also keeps us from getting to know people in our community and the people we interact with on a daily basis. unfortunately i think we've already passed the point of rehabilitation as a society but on an individual basis you can change and i think you would absolutely feel more fulfilled. im really looking forward to reading marks new book "the primal connection"

Make peace with the universe, in whatever manner best suits you. It can be harsh and unforgiving, and the only way to handle that is to accept life for what it is.

I think you're right. It's easy to get trapped in the cycle and it's easy to NOT think about it, because we have this modern idea that if you're busy, you must be doing something worthwhile, so people feel satisfied just with being busy, and it takes a lot of courage to step back and say "ok I'm busy, but what am I busy doing? Is there actually a point to it?"

The worst for me is the continuous degeneration of the social structures that we rely on for support - from the extended family to the nuclear family to the single person. I live thousands of miles away from my nearest family member and I'm externally "successful" (well-paying job etc.) but internally miserable because I'm completely isolated with no social support except through the phone. It really isn't worth living for but this is apparently the new normal - most of my coworkers/acquaintances (I don't really have friends) live like this too and they don't seem to have any trouble with it.

My idyllic life would include a job that actually made a difference to someone, somewhere in the world, and a strong social support network.

Hm. Either you are becoming a Buddhist by intuition or you have borderline personality disorder.

At least, those are the two contexts in which I typically encounter people talking about "emptiness."

It's not a trivial inquiry that you make, but I don't know that it's novel. You can draw a straight line from Siddharta Gautama, the Buddha-to-be, 2500 years ago, through Oblomov and Evgenij Onegin, past Sartre, right down to Peggy Lee ("Is That All There Is?"). It is said that Alexander the Great sat down and wept when he learned that there were no more worlds to conquer.

I'm not seeing your inquiry as particularly "paleo." But maybe that's just me. I'm having a lot of trouble with this sort of thing today.

Seeking a happiness not dependent on conditions is really what it's all about, isn't it?

It's all tied together, isn't it?

I highly suggest reading the book Your Money or Your Life. Another good one is A Reasonable Life by Ferenc Máté. Some awareness can help you align your values with your approach to life. The noise of the modern world will lead you to believe that there is one way to happiness. One common misconception, for example, is the idea that to be successful and live the American Dream you must own a house. Yeah, that worked out really well for a lot of folks recently, didn't it? While everyone was going crazy buying a depreciating asset for ridiculous amounts of money and debt, you would've come out ahead had you waited it out in a rental and socked away all the extra at modest interest. Now's the time to be buying, but no one's crying about it from the rooftops anymore. Funny, isn't it.

My personal view is that you do have to deal with the world and its rules to some degree, but you also have to know when and how to reject it.

Yeah, it's not very nourishing is it? A good friend of mine told me when I was really depressed, "I don't know what you're looking for, but you're not going to find it sitting on the computer in your room."

My apartment was burglarized twice in two weeks, and my computer was of course stolen. I already live a pretty minimalist existence, but suddenly, there was no computer netherworld to dwell in between every event in my life. My choices were eating, reading, calling someone, leaving the house, drawing or sleeping. That's it. I forgot that life actually consists of these options, and always has, but the internet kind of grotesquely mimes a bunch of other options. Still not sure quite what I'm hoping for when I check my inbox all the time. Entertainment can be pretty lonely, but it constantly promises to alleviate that loneliness. The month or so without a computer was very instructive. The burglar had nothing to steal the second time around, but I was a lot happier.

I think a lot of people make a living, but don't feel particularly useful, of service to their fellow humans, or part of a real community. There's an interview with David Foster Wallace where he refers to our supposed right to gratify every one of our immediate desires as a strange kind of slavery.

You sound like the Unabomber's manifesto, minus a lot of the crazy.

Edit:

I didn't mean anything rude by my comment. Have you read his manifesto? He talks a lot about the emptiness caused by the modern world. If you take out the "crazy" - for lack of a better term - ed's question is very reminscient of Kaczynski's thesis. Not sure why all the downvotes, but they're uncalled for.

Read it: cyber.eserver.org/unabom.txt -- he says basically that we try to assign meaning to a lot of meaningless things because modern society has taken away truly meaningful things.

Or read what philosophy professors from the University of Aberdeen thought about the merits of his argument (again, not a testament to his character): http://www.abdn.ac.uk/philosophy/endsandmeans/vol3no1/kujundzic_mann.shtml

As usual, it comes down to N=1. There's no one idyllic life, perfect social system, etc... just the one that works for you.

Hm. Everyone has a different idea of an idyllic life, but there are definitely ways to get out of the cycle you've described and try something else.

There are intentional communities of people doing this. Try visiting www.ic.org, for a start. I also recommend the periodicals Dwelling Portably and the Caretaker Gazette for different ideas of lodging.

You can also change your life in smaller steps, right where you are. Get a cheaper place to live. Sell your stuff. Switch to part-time work. Sell any car(s) if you own them, and walk/bike/take public transit. It can make each day more lively and interesting, and will obviously cost less, saving you money and allowing you more options.

Beware of big investments/financial drains. For example, if you don't currently have children or own a house, think very carefully before adding that kind of complication.