I strongly advise seeking some outside help. Whether it is a support group, a therapist, or just talking to a trusted family member or friend - they may provide the support and confidence you need to kick it!

I don't know why you wouldn't want a therapist, I have one and im recovering from Anorexia. I wouldn't have been able to get where i'm up to now if it wasn't for my therapist. Try to find one which specializes in eating disorders. Do yourself a favor and get some help, it sucks to suffer.

I would suggest getting to an OA meeting. While I have the other side of the disease, and have lost 204 lbs, it's for everone with eating disorders.

The bulimics, anarexics and overweight overeaters are all branches of the same tree.

PLEASE GET TREATMENT. You can SO get beat this (I did), but it's not like a bad habit you need to break, it's a mental illness. Please look for any treatment options in your community. There are also CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) workbooks you can work through on your own.

This website is a good resource

http://www.something-fishy.org/

Look for a group of like-minded, like-troubled people. OA has been mentioned, there may be others you can get to. This is NOT 'therapy.' Bonding together, as equals, with other people in your situation gives you the ability to act in your own best interest more consistantly than anyone can by themselves.

You may note from my alias that I am speaking from experience. By myself, I could not 'not drink' for a single day, in association with others I haven't needed a drink since 1988.

If you happen to be a college student, your institution (nonprofit) should offer counseling as part of your tuition.

You have to figure out what triggers your binges. Typically, people with bulimia feel like there is something they are unable to control in their lives and rather than painfully dealing with the issue, they turn to food.

For everyone saying get a therapist- they are expensive- mine is $200 an hour! (Though it is true you may be able to find a helpful counselor through your school if you are a college student). Also, most conventional therapists would classify you and put you on drugs- NOT helpful. What you need is a healer, someone to help you learn how to love yourself and understand why you currently don't.

I have never been bulimic but struggled with self-harming issues for years (which therapists often group in with eating disorders) so I understand how hard it is to leave this behavior/need/addiction behind. You say that there are periods where you go without it and eat healthy and treat your body well, and this is a GREAT start!!!! Trust me, that is the first step. Relapsing is inevitable until you come to a point where your love for yourself outweighs the impulse/desire to binge/throw up.

This happened very gradually for me- it started as I learned about nutrition and how my body works, what I need to be healthy, and how food is good and necessary. From there I got into yoga, and meditation and read a host of self-help books the best one being YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE by Louise Hay. GET THAT BOOK! You can get it on Amazon for $10. Also, get the You Can Heal Your Life Companion book and do the exercises in it, they are so incredibly helpful. Most self-help books containing valuable information, but never really drastically altered my life. This book did. It taught me so much and I've come to a point where self-harming simply does not work for me anymore (as you can come to this point where binging/throwing up just will not produce its usual effects). Sometimes I still struggle when I am feeling very low, but I now have ways to curb the desire and I also just know that it will make me feel worse if I do it- so I don't and instead I try to treat myself as I would a little child- with love and compassion.

Trust me, you can heal and you have the capacity to overcome this. I never thought I would get better- but I am SUCH a different person today than I was years ago.

One suggestion that helped me was writing. I know your story very well, I was in the same place as you for 6 years. I started the GAPS diet and I started writing and I've never been as happy or as healthy in my entire life. Not to mention I have been able to COMPLETELY control an eating disorder that haunted me for way too long.

IF you want to heal yourself by yourself on the cheap, learn NLP and meditation. download all the audiotapes, etc. this will not be easy, but it will improve your life if you practice. then you can work your way up to affording a good therapist or counselor on an ongoing basis if that's what you choose to do.