I'm so tired of trying out paleo alternatives to making things that resemble SAD food. It's all so disgusting, and I'm beginning to wonder if you guys are lying to other people to convince them it's good or just lying to yourself. So tell me: Why are you guys trying to create terrible alternatives and then pretend like they're good?
Cauliflower rice. NO NO NO this does NOT taste like rice. It tastes like disgusting cauliflower hacked into pieces. It's just not right.
Larabars. I seriously believed you guys that these were amazing. No. They are absolutely disgusting. I had to spit out three flavors that I tasted and now I get to throw away 14 Larabars that I stocked up on yesterday having bought EVERY flavor I could. Absolutely disgusting like a mixture of rotten fruit and some awful vinegar taste.
Meatza. WTF? Are you serious? Hardened meat as your crust?! :/ no.
Coconut flour. Have you seriously tried using a significant amount of coconut fluor in anything and had it come out good? I've had ONE recipe come out good and it seemed because I used shortening and tons of other crap to cover it up. Coconut flour crepes are disgusting. Coconut flour pancakes disgusting. Coconut flour biscuits disgusting. Nothing even comes out as a good texture!!
I don't even want to go into coconut aminos or any other paleofied crap.
I absolutely give up on any of this garbage, and I'll stick to my original paleo foods.
At first I objected to the tone of this, but when I got to the line about the Larabars, I realized you were joking around--no rational person would stock up on every flavor of something they never tried!
Having said that, I mostly agree with your rant. Coconut aminos made me wretch. I liked cauli-rice, but only because it was cauliflower, which I love, and not because it was a suitable rice substitute. I haven't tried meatza, but no less a pizza maker than the famous Lou Malnati's offers one here in Chicago, and I find it hard to imagine it's all that bad. Too rich, perhaps, but it's essentially just a baked casserole of meat, vegetables, and cheese (so, not strictly paleo)--what could be bad? I bought some coconut flour but haven't tried it yet; I imagine it working best in something like crepes.
I think it's best to think about these foods in terms of what they do best. Cauli-rice doesn't behave like rice in cooking, so you can't really use it for, say, jambalaya or paella, or risotto. But used for "fried rice," it's nothing more than stir-fried vegetables. And of course, if one truly doesn't like a food, one probably won't like it cooked in most any way. Don't like cailuliflower? You're not going to like cauliflower mashed.
In the end you come around to what I consider the best solution: adapt to living without old favorites rather than trying so hard to find substitutes. I'm learning that the approach I used for sweeteners might work best for most foods: quit eating refined sugars, and don't use artificial sweeteners, and eventually one loses one's taste for (addiction to) sweetened foods. Over time, the natural sweetness of fruit seems magnified. I find the amount of artificial sweeteners used by many (non-paleo) low-carbers shocking--all those dreadful syrups!
Using substitutes seems to keep hope alive that we can continue to eat the way we always have. And when I want pizza or rice, I just eat them as a treat. (I realize that's not an option for everyone.)
Yeah well goodie for you! I'm happy you found what works best for you but why do you find the need to belittle other people's creative ideas to help them stay compliant? What is the point? First of all if larabars are disgusting to you I have to say you are warped in the most serious way. Secondly I live on cauliflower rice and there is NOTHING un-paleo about it. No one ever said it tastes like rice. It is cauliflower. You thought it would taste like rice? Hmmm.
I've not time to go through you list items one by one. Overall I think the judgmental tone of this post is a sad representation of a faction of the paleo community who think their way is the only way and that anyone who cannot comply with their supposed "pure" version is not doing it right. Compliance is the major obstacle to this diet (and most diets) Anything that helps someone be compliant while maintaining the basic integrity of the diet is fine by me. It should be fine by everyone. If it doesn't work for you that's fine. You try it and then you move on. But this ridiculous berating of those who do use certain products, cooking techniques, recipes, etc to stay on the path are doing just fine and don't deserve any criticism from anyone. Finely chopped cauliflower is some sort of dietary abomination? Nuts and fruit mixed together is un-paleo? Oh please! And I make a damn-fine coconut flour pancake if I do say so myself. Apparently some of us just don't know how to bake or cook???
Stop trying to make imitation food and just eat real food! People twist paleo so they can keep their addictions alive, and it's not healthy even if the ingredients are. Eat meat and plants, drink water. It's simple and people need to stop making things complicated.
Dr. Harris suggests that paleo- in front of neolithic foods, such as pancakes, is a bit like smoking candy cigarettes:
"Do you train yourself to crave the manufactured food of the dominant paradigm?
"I am on record as saying that sweets should be mostly avoided if you do not want to have difficulty avoiding sweets.
"It’s easy to make fun of commercial junk in a box like “low carb” pasta, zone and atkins bars, etc. All stuff that may be gluten free or have sawdust in place of high glycemic-index starch, but whose real reason for existence is just to appropriate what should properly be freestanding, honest, real food back into the maw of corporate big-agra commercial interests."
"I cannot prove it, but it also seems plausible that eating and drinking artificial sweeteners is a physiologic version of “smoking candy cigarettes”. There is likely to be some neuro-hormonal conditioning along with three diet sodas a day. Is there any way a diet soda habit makes it easier to avoid the hyper-ubiquitous sweets we are surrounded by?
"And planning for “cheat days” makes just as much sense as a weekly Marlboro red for ex-smokers or the odd line of coke once in a while after you have left Hazelden."
(Good god, I love his writing style! That last line makes me laugh every time I read it.)
Looks like someone is having a Monday... Geez.
Lighten up a bit. Just because you don't like something, doesn't mean you need to go off on some pissy rant about it. I hate ham and the thought of any mayonnaise, let alone a Paleo one made with olive oil sounds vile but I'm not fresking out about it or calling people liars when they think those things are delightful...
I personally like Larabars, not every flavor. I use coconut aminos because I'm highly allergic to soy, and finding it has been great for certain recipes. As for the rest, I've not tried them nor do they seem that interesting to me. I'm not looking for fill in foods, just a way to eat that keeps me pain free.
Since I have the culinary skills of a dead cat, I've never toyed with any 'Paleofied' SAD foods; I just stick to meats, veggies, fruit, nuts, and other Paleo foods that don't require baking/kitchen fanciness. I might be tempted to get more creative in the kitchen if it wasn't for the fact that 'cauliflower rice' just sounds like it's going to taste like a pile of asses.
"NO NO NO this does NOT taste like rice." - IDK, rice tastes like crap to me. Gloggy gut bloating starch with a hint of iron fillings flavour.
"Meatza. WTF? Are you serious? Hardened meat as your crust?! :/ no." - Great things about pizza, is its the cheese, meat, pineapple, capsicum, tomato, olives etc that tastes good. Even though its not stricky paleo, ive just been using ham steaks with loads of yummy toppings. Had some tonight.
"Coconut flour. Have you seriously tried using a significant amount of coconut fluor in anything and had it come out good?"
This is probably true. I made one thing with coconut flour once, and while it didnt taste all that bad actually (might have used a 50/50 blend with almond flour), it was so full of fiber it did a number on me. Plus, I actually dislike that carby bloated feeling post dinner now. Coconut flour baking, just reminded me of how bad eating used to feel.
People are like "ohh, I am so satisfied my digestive organs are in pain and stretched to capacity!"
Lol, no thanks.
"I don't even want to go into coconut aminos or any other paleofied crap."
What do coconut aminos taste like? I am curious, ill probably never eat them because they use coconut sugar, but curious....
One thing I enjoy about paleo is trying new things.
My body seems to prefer when those things are simple actual foods with actual nutritional value, rather than empty flavour manipulations (ie lime and coconut or salt, cheese and tomato, versus tumeric and cinnomon) but its still interesting to learn about new foods, and new flavour combinations.
I'm married to a chef by trade (no longer practicing but does all the cooking) and he's hated almost all the recipes we've tried from various blogs/websites. He now requires previewing all recipes for balance and measurement accuracy. We have found one favorite brownie recipe, one chocolate chip cookie, one pie filling (no crust found yet), etc. So we have as a family decided to not waste money trying too many other recipes since we love the Paleo keepers. Even the regular meals are way off most of the time. So we are using traditional methods and keeping it Paleo. I will not be buying cookbooks like I did when I went Raw. Just donated all those to the library Saturday!
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