I have finally gotten my hands on the evil Women's World magazine my MIL adores. My biggest problem is that they take bits and pieces of things and turn them into MIRACLES! and cover them in EXCLAMATIONS POINTS! and by the time you are done reading the magazine you have no idea what to do first, so you do nothing.
My first pick:
The 12 cent pill that firms you up!
Feel sore after a workout? Pop an ibuprofen (such as Advil or Motrin) or acetaminophen (Tylenol) Not only do they ease pain, they also boost muscle mass after resistance training! Ball State University Researchers found that these painkillers promote metabolic changes that allow the body to add more protein to muscles, bulking them up!
or how about...
Tone Muscles with Milk!
Been doing resistance training exercises such as lifting weights, but haven't seen the body toning results you want? Here's the problem: As you get older it gets harder for your body to build muscle at any age - sip milk! In their recent study, women who drank 2 cups of what free milk within one hour of doing resistance training exercises gained more muscle and lost more fat after 12 weeks than women who didn't!
Milks secret power: It could be that the combo of calcium, protein and vitamin D in milk delivers cell building nutrients to muscles, says lead study author Stuart Phillips, Ph. D.
The lead study author doesn't even know why it works? I hate that it is skim milk. And I hate that they talk about the "secret power".
Inducing drowsiness with oatmeal
Eating a bowl of carb rich oatmeal or whole grain toast just before bed will dampen the production of stress hormones, triggering relaxation and drowsiness in 20 minutes.
Except they don't mention the part will you will probably wake up hungry due to the insulin bomb you delivered right before you went to bed.
OH NO. Page 18 DR. OZ REVEALS THE NEW OBESITY CURE!
"Want to take the fight out of your most stubborn flab? Dr. Oz is here to tell you how! We blame weight game on eating too many burgers and getting too little exercise, but scientists are discovering that chemicals we are exposed to every day could be a big part of the problem. Sounds a little scary, but it's actually good news. Because simply knowing about these sneaky substances called "obesogens" means we can easily avoid them.
OBESEGENS? REALLY? Okay. Moving on...
I'll give him his #1 suggestion, cut out HFCS. His #2 suggestion? Outsmart super bad fat. Pesticides used on farms can end up trapped in the cells of farm animals, so these foods can be loaded with obesogens. "Choosing lean meats helps limit exposure. The most budget friendly option: Enjoy more vegetarian meals"
It's just so half assed. It's no wonder my MIL won't listen to me about Paleo eating! Dr. Oz is telling her about the obesegens! It's not her fault! ITS IN THE FOOD!!
TURN THE PAGE...
"Good times Guide"
Invite the gang over for chocolate fondue!
Choose decadent dippers and toppings
cake cubes, biscotti, doughnut holes, rice krispies squares, brownies
The best toppings
crushed cereal, sprinkles, pretzels, graham crackers
So, screw what Dr. Oz told you on the last page! To have Good Times you must have all this HFCS GARBAGE.
And then they try to have decent advice, but screw it up!
Surprising Sneaky ways to stay healthy all winter.
EATING A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH
A slew of studies have confirmed the immunity enhancing propercties of cheese, yogurt, sauerkraut and other foods filled with probiotics or good bacterial. When good bugs attach to the lining of the digestive tract the interact with the immune system stimulating it, says Allison Tannis author or Probiotic Rescue
"To make it work for you" Have a serving of any naturally aged, nonpasturized cheddar daily, such as gouda, emmentaker, cheddar or colby.
I mean, seriously? WHY take the good advice and wrap it around a picture of a grilled cheese sandwich? You know most of these women will take their Wonder bread and Kraft singles and think they are "doing something sneaky to stay healthy all winter".
And the whole damn magazine is littered with ads for losing weight without any effort:
SENSA from GNC
FASTIN novel fat burner taking industry by storm!
I didn't even mention everything in this one issue. If you could see the pictures, it's even worse.