A lot of things mentioned above scared me and increased my "issues" even more, like low-carb (not exactly sure what is meant by that),fruits,no dairy,excruciating exercising/CF,IF.
Could some of you please help me out of my hell?
My story in short; I'm a Dutch girl/woman (28) who's been overweight from childhood.I've played some teamsports during highschool,mostly one or 2 times per week. When I was 19 I all of a sudden suffered symptoms of paralysion which the docs thought to be a mild form of MS(which now turned out to be Lyme's disease),over time the symptoms faded. During that period and years after I gained even more weight while living my life,so a couple of years ago I decided to enroll in a gym and start Cardio 3x times a week to lose weight,because I never loved myself/thought of myself as pretty or a special person. After hitting a 'plateau' I became even more critical of what I ate and increased the exercises,until it dwindled into this obsessive-compulsive 5/6days a week thing,that I never enjoyed but out of fear of getting 'fat'(it really was bellyfat,the rest was slender.Which gave me an even worse figure) again. Things escalated and I ended up at a dietician,who 'tought me' how much carbs&proteine,little fat a day I needed for the body to burn it's own fat without having to exercise. I lost weight,but I started to experience these weird symptoms also after eating,like bloating/tiredness/blurry-vision/feeling like I'd pass out. Turned out my Lyme kicked in,very bad gut flora,acidic pancreas and almost diabetic.
Now I'm on Paleo and underweight,I've lost my boobs and you can count my ribs,so I need to gain some weight.
This makes me very nervous,I've lived my life on the low-fat products and with the vigorous exercise which I've never enjoyed and can't do anymore bc I feel such resistance towards it and my knees hurt like hell. Although I rationally know the low-fat products were bad,I still experience a lot of obsessive mental issues&anxieties towards the amounts of fat that I'll get huge (fat stomach) on Paleo without exercising,mainly bc I don't experience 'belly hunger' (growling stomach) bc of the bad gut flora,so I never know when I'm hungry. I try to walk 45min. to an hour everyday,but still I'm afraid to sit still and do what I love.
All these Paleo-people talking about the low-carb,fruits,IF,CF,The Paleo-lifestyle etc. made my anxiety even worse....I'm now scared of amounts of fat,fruits and certain veggies (like beets,carrots,pumpkin...let alone sweet potatoe!),coconut milk and dairy (though I love sheep's and goat cheese,which are high in fat too,which scares me).
I'm caught in such a horrible thinking pattern (reading the Power of Now. Isn't helping me (yet)),in my mind I'm always calculating everything. Most people start to feel not only physically,but also mentally better on Paleo,whereas I seem to get in an even bigger depression.
Most of the time I just don't know what to eat anymore it's all too big of a hassle,out of lethargy and boredom/lack of recipes/ingedients due to intolerances(like nightshades) and I'm starting to really miss all the 'bad' stuff like pizza,wafels,cake,breads etc.,bc if I'm in my mind getting fat anyway who cares what it is from....might as well have the temporary false illusion of joy my brains crave so much.and feel like a 'normal' part of society again. Apart from beef and eggs,grass-fed is impossible for me to get,though I buy biological meat...it's also very expensive and I'm struggling to pay the bills every month bc I'm currently not able to work.
I'm going to seek the help of a therapist (but I don't want antidepressants,although my family is trying to force me to take some) bc I don't want to be stuck in this thinking pattern anymore. If I'm ever gonna exercise again I do not want it to be connected to estatic image anymore or obsessive compulsiveness/fear,but bc I WANt TO/Love doing it. (Probably gonna be a teamsport,though it's kinda daunting to enter a team(sport) at this age).
Once in a while I'd like to be able to indulge in stuff,without feeling guilty or getting bad thoughts or whatever. I just wanna be happy&healthy and get over the fear of living my life and letting myself do and enjoy what I want to do. The fat is probably prone to go to my belly,instead of my upper body(where it needs to go),bc my own 'mental anxiety' is probably keeping cortisol levels high.
Are there people who can maybe help me get out of this pattern/ease my mind a bit? who don't exercise either/constantly walking/active during the day?who have health conditions too or maybe experienced something similar?
I'd also love to get to know some Dutch Paleo/PaNu people.