I've seen what you're talking about, and WOW, the comments on this page are a really clear example of it. Non-lacto people DO fixate on dairy, sometimes to the point of being extremely condemning of it. And it can be really, really frustrating for the lacto-Paleos who feel like they are being repeatedly castigated about it every time they admit it.
(And, let's face it, it's probably no different from when Vegetarians do the same sort of thing to Paleos... or when Paleos do it to Vegans... or when the "Zero-carb Hezbollah" starts frothing at the mouth when someone mentions they (gasp!) ate a yam... etc. etc. etc.)
Dairy seems to be one of the more polarizing issues in the Paleosphere. It's especially difficult because there are not two, but three basic camps when it comes to dairy, and as has been mentioned before, since there's not necessarily a clear or standardized way to identify the different types of Paleo, this makes it more complicated to talk about, too. I'm going to invent some temporary labels to illustrate the point:
- Anti-Lacto Paleo: No Dairy of any kind ever allowable.
- Moderate-Lacto Paleo: Dairy fats (cream, ghee) are fine, and small amounts of aged cheeses are allowed, but overall, try to avoid the lactose.
- Pro-Lacto Paleo: Dairy lovers who promote raw milk, yogurt, kefir, cheeses, etc.
(Of course, it's actually a whole spectrum, with many points between these three, but let's just roll with this generalization for a minute...)
The Anti-Lacto folks often don't distinguish between Moderate-Lacto and Pro-Lacto, which sometimes confuses the issue, because if you're doing the Moderate-Lacto thing, you kinda want to scream when the Anti-Lacto types are ripping you a new one about the dairy products you aren't even eating.
It even seems like there are a few Anti-Lacto folks who simply don't consider Moderate-Lacto or Pro-Lacto folks to be Paleo at all, but just lazy or delusional dabblers who can't seem to commit to doing things the Right Way, and who are doing harm to the Paleo movement by watering it down with their irresponsible liberal attitude. (This bit of hyperbole is leading to a point, please bear with me.)
I keep coming back to the comparison between diet/exercise attitude and religious attitude. In both, you see the same patterns of behaviors, identity crises, tolerance issues, conservative fundamentalism, flakey syncretic liberals, curious newbie dabblers and tourists, evangelists, lifestylers, squirrely and sometimes embarrassing media coverage, etc. It's kinda spooky. Case in point? Go back to the above and replace the terms: Anti-Lacto=Orthodox, Moderate-Lacto=Conservative, Pro-Lacto=Reform, Paleo=Jewish. (I could have picked any religion, really.)
We each have our beliefs about it, based on our research and experiences. Yes, there's written documentation out there, but it's confusing and contradictory, especially to the layman. Each of us is stuck trying to find the truth for ourselves, and what's right for us.
There will be fundamentalists. There will be scholars. There will be fringe loonies. And more than any of these, there will be a lot of reasonable, moderate folks who just quietly do their thing and don't join in the heated discussions. =) That's probably the important thing to keep in mind: for every two people debating whether The Best Way is such-and-such... there are probably 20 people reading it and not chiming in because they don't have a firm opinion one way or another, and who will keep doing things the way they have been... and another 50 people who glance at the topic and think, "Meh, I have better things to do than read an argument about THAT."
(tl;dr? Summary: Remember that the noisiest extremists are never the majority.)