1) Your body, over some period of time, will adapt to the timing of your meals. So if you want to do IF "right", then try to have the same eating window every day. This will eventually train your body to expect food at certain times, which may have various theoretical benefits. The pragmatic one is that your appetite will hopefully only be heightened around mealtimes.
2) I don't think the concept of "optimal" can be generalized like this. It seems like the general rule of thumb is 8/16 - 16 hour fast with 8 hours where you can eat. I don't know if that's optimal and I don't think there is any data to support any assertion of optimality. So, basically, go with what you can actually sustain as part of your lifestyle. The key here is being able to sustain a lifestyle - none of this works if you bail on the second day.
3) Typically your biggest meal will be the one directly after your workout/fast. If you skip breakfast and eat at 12-1pm, then that meal will be huge just based on appetite. You can eat one or two more meals after that, but judge based on hunger. If you want to count calories to try to accelerate weight loss, then again, which meal is largest will come down to what is sustainable for you given your lifestyle.
General advice: DO NOT OVERCOMPLICATE THIS! It is not complicated. You've got ~8 hours to eat in a given day. Line those ~8 hours up with the time in which your life gives you the most opportunity to eat. At that point, for most people, there's nothing else to do.
The next complication would be counting calories to check your appetite's ability to signal fullness. If your appetite is working (might not in your case, who knows), then this is unnecessary.
Then if you want to complicate it further, you can cycle macronutrients (ie eat more carbs on a workout day, less carbs on a non-workout day, protein all the time). I think the idea is that there are some (theoretical) benefits to nutrient partitioning by doing this.