I am 21.. not currently enrolled in school and I am so lonely. I have been completely alone for like two years. My life is not fun.
We are social creatures.. Why me?
I'm 52 this summer and I wouldn't take back my youth for anything ... a lot of it was a royal pain in the ass. Women, work, life ... so much stuff that most of us don't figure out for a while.
You're still young. Life gets better. It will for you, too.
Echoing the D3 recommendation... that stuff is amazing. It really just boosts your entire outlook on life, making you emotionally healthy so to speak, while a paleo diet does that as well as makes you physically healthy.
Beyond that, the hardest part is just getting out there and doing. It is so easy to just sit at home, be miserable, and say it's easier than going out and getting rejected or having to interact with people. I used to use the excuse that with me being a complete loner that I was, in essence, making myself stronger. In reality, all I was doing was making excuses.
I was lonely. All I wanted was a friend, someone to spend time with and someone to talk to. I put myself out there both socially in person and online and never got anywhere. I recently met a woman who is just absolutely head-over-heels for me and I feel the exact same way about her, and I owe it to these things:
Take risks. Put yourself out in situations that you normally would feel uncomfortable in. See a beautiful (wo)man? Approach them, talk to them. So what if you come off as awkward... some (wo)men think it's cute. See something you want to try? Do it. Say YES more than you say NO.
Be confident. Even if you don't feel it, act it anyways. I had the unfortunate tendency to over-thinking everything and never being sure of myself. Decide on a course of action, do it, stick to it, and be sure of why you're doing it. Even if things don't go your way, at least you tried and you learned something from it. If you're doing, you're learning from your experiences, and that's the most valuable thing in life.
Appreciate people. Go out of your way to make people feel special, and they'll return the favor. Remember their names to start and then use their names. People really like seeing and hearing their names, Derrick. Remember things they've told you. Ask them how they're doing, or specific things about them. Listen, be attentive, be interacting, and show people that you actually care about what they have to say.
Try new things. Do absolutely anything new where you have to interact with people. Take a motorcycle riding class at the community college. Find a weekend fitness class in the park to take part in. Just get out there and learn the fine art of interacting with people. Online dating is really popular and works. Just put yourself out there but don't get discouraged, it won't happen overnight.
I hope I've helped, even though it feels and looks like I've just written a self-help book.
Join a community garden. You'll meet like minded people and help grow healthy organic food. You can also volunteer in a school or a soup kitchen. My husband and i personally met people by, don't laugh, table top gaming and My husband LARPs. Sure it's dorky but you meet a lot of really interesting, smart people. We serve healthy food at our d&d games. Good cheese, dried Italian sausage, veggies, etc. It's not all mountain dew gluggling basement trolls.
Also try meetup.com. You can find all sorts of groups to join by your interest. There are religious groups, athiest groups, real foodies, paleo, Rock climbers, dog lovers. All sorts of stuff. Get out of your house and meet people!
I would encourage you to supplement with Vit D3 at 10000IU a day for a couple of months..then back off to 5,000IU per day. This is not really a vitamin, but a hormone and it does wonders in changing one's outlook on life.
In addition, just the elimination of sugar and wheat products can assist you in becoming gregarious.
You have to change your thoughts to change your condition. And trying to change your thoughts will only succeed in trying to change your thoughts. You must arrive at thought change. There is no try, there is only do...to quote a short little green creature with pointy ears.
If you continue to talk about being lonely, guess what you get...being lonely. Change your thoughts.
I used to somewhat be in the same boat as you. I chose to be anti social because of the trouble that my now awesome brother got in during high school and college years while I was in middle school and then early years of high school.
It sucked ass. I went out occasionally but hated it. I was 100% against drinking of any kind.
My life has taken a complete 180 since going Primal 14 months ago. It's amazing.
I am doing everything I can to not only grow the primal community but to bring it closer together as well. Primal Con changed my life in that it made me realize how important community is.
May I ask you where you live? Just city, state? There is no question that there are dozens of "cavemen" living within 20 miles of you. It's tough to find them but they are there. I have a primal meetup group list on my blog and will be updating it soon. It's possible there is already one near where you live. If not, I am sure I can find someone to create one where you live soon.
I'd be glad to help.
/Oh man I totally relate. I've become a hermit due to some bad circumstances and it is not easy to just go out and meet people. Once you're in such a state it just festers. But eating well and some meditation has provided me what I need to get out. Sometimes I'm so scared of what people will think of me but just getting into crowds is a great small step. Really start to turn your self loathing around. For every negative thing you think immediately think of something positive even if you don't really believe it. I love the idea of gaming or even going to church. I'm not religious but the universalists have some kick ass activities. A paleo meetup is an awesome idea too. Don't push yourself. Take small steps. Make a point to say hello to one person a day and build on it little by little.
So glad you reached out. That is a huge step you just took.
To feel that you are part of a tribe/clan or group that accepts you, supports you and also relies on you is as essential for your health as is eating Paleo. Humans are, indeed social creatures. To be part of some sort of clan(s) is genetically-required for health and is no less (nor more) important than "eating paleo." Your thoughts and emotions about your life situation have just as profound an effect on your body's cellular environments as does your physical activity and diet.
"99% of the time humans have lived...we’ve lived in groups of 12 to 36 people..."-Margaret Mead
If you want to "live paleo" you have got to "find your tribe(s)".
Try sitting down and doing a very honest, written self assessment. Beyond your feelings what are your thoughts about yourself. I am a great believer that negative self judgements precede most negative, fearful feelings. Self talk is very, very important and whether we are aware of it or not, we are engaging in self talk all the time.
Try to step back from yourself and utilize an observing self, or what I sometimes call a "watchman." Sit your "watchman" on your shoulder and take a good look at you, though his eyes. Write what you see, feel, etc.
Write what makes you happy - what you enjoy - what gets you going and fired up, or what you imagine would. Imagine activities and situations you'd like to be in. What are they? What is stopping you from becoming a part of these situations/activities?
What are your strenghts? What inherent strengths do you have that could be developed further? IF you draw a blank and genuinely feel like you don't know, consider checking with the nearest community college's learning center. They can do all kinds of apptitude/interest testing that can give you some clues.
Take a good honest look at what you are doing in your life. You are not enrolled in school and you do not mention work. How are you spending your days? How are you living?
If you do not currently feel motivated to attend school, perhaps you need more experiece in life and with other people to learn more about yourself and what your interests and strenghts are. Consider checking out national programs like Americorps/VISTA, which has programs - thousands - in all areas, all over the country. You make a commitment, they pay you a living allowance/stipend, and you come out after a year with lots more self knowledge/confidence, $5,500.00 to apply toward schooling of your choice, health insurance for the year you are with them, mentoring/training in the program of your choice, and many colleges/unis that are interested in AMericorps alums and give you a tuition break and a number that have matching programs. And of great importance is that you work in an important job which helps/provides skills to others. There are also many workplaces, including many non-profits that are very interested in alums.
Here's a place to start: http://www.americorps.gov/
It sounds like you are pretty down. You need to know that things can change and that you can change them. Will it take effort and risk. Yes. But it all starts by wanting that change and mustering up the willingness to take action. Take_a_step. And_then_another.
My best to you and making the change you are seeking and finding the support in the process that will be helpful to you. Good on you that you had the courage to put your stuff out here. ;) (You see, THAT is a strength right there..;) )
Do some volunteering in an area that interests you. Join a meet-up group. Join a summer sports league. There are many ways to meet new people other than school.
If I may make a few book recommendations:
Read any two.
I'm not saying you're depressed, but you don't need to be a professional chef to enjoy a cookbook...