Chill. She's an adult who can make her own food choices and it's really not your job at all to try and control that or police what she's eating. Just because you've gone paleo doesn't mean your girlfriend is obligated to as well...not sure why you feel that way. It sounds from your post like she never really explicitly decided to do paleo, just that she goes along with you when you're around. Given that I'm not sure why you're disappointed with her. You might see it as "I'm helping her get healthy" but she's more than likely going to see "my boyfriend is being an overbearing asshole". If she doesn't want to change, she won't. She'll just resent you.

Maybe this sounds a little harsh but I'm not trying to rip on you. I'm just trying to put myself in your girlfriend's shoes and imagine how I would feel if my boyfriend didn't "approve" of what I was eating, no matter how good his intentions were.

My wife will not go Paleo, but since I cook she eats grass fed meats, lots of veggies and fish which she loves. But there are days when she wants rice or some type of pasta to go with what I make she makes that. She makes extra and reheats it a couple times a week. It keeps her happy, when we go out for dinner or travel she makes sure that I can eat Paleo as much as possible. We always try to respect each others needs, might be why we are married 32 years and are very happy. You need to ask yourself are you happy and is she happy. If you both are except for Paleo work with each other not against. A great other half is hard to find.

One of the most difficult things a couple can go through is change, but the difficult part is if you don't change together. Let me start out by saying what not to do. Do not pressure, insult, or harass her for not eating the way you do. This is a sure fire way to put a wedge in between your relationship. Food, like politics and religion, is a very personal issue and should be treated as such.

I suggested first lead by example. She will see you drop the weight and feel better quickly and that may be a enough to approach you for help, instead of you pushing it on her. Second, offer to do the cooking. I'm not sure how good of a cook you are, but I started doing all the cooking in my house, for everyone. I now wake up 15 minutes earlier and cook my wife and 2 sons eggs, bacon and some fruit in the morning before we are of to work and school. I pack all of their lunches and cook most of the dinners. Maybe try waking up one day earlier than her a cook her a nice breakfast in bed. Lastly, be encouraging. I'm not sure how your girlfriend is but my wife likes to hear encouraging words when she makes good choices. We as humans tend to focus to much on the negative and forget the positive.

Good luck it is certainly not an easy thing to tackle.

If she's not ready, she's not ready. Lead by example, keep cooking meals, and she may eventually notice the difference in how she feels. If it really matters to you, let her know that you are afraid that if you make this change without her it will eventually drive you apart. It doesn't have to drive you apart though. My husband doesn't do paleo and I don't try to push it on him, his family seems to be able to tolerate the SAD, and live to be quite old and healthy. He does however eat paleo by default at home most of the time because I've taken over the shopping and cooking. I think I did a little too much eye rolling and lecturing when we'd go grocery shopping together. We had A LOT of friction over this until I learned: don't lecture, just do.

After a lifetime of eating crap food, she may not internally be equipped with right gut flora to go straight into a paleo diet. "Needing" all that sugary stuff makes me think that systemic candida could be an issue, and even if she wanted to she would have a hard time avoiding sugar. Get some high quality probiotics and natural soil organisms into that girl pronto. It took me a full two months with some really high quality probiotics, but those little voices that "made" me buy donuts just went away one day, and it has been so quiet inside my head ever since. She may also have low stomach acid if she can't tolerate much red meat. When she is ready you could start seeing a paleo friendly nutritionist as a couple. It is amazing how much more receptive partners can be to info when it comes from someone outside the relationship.

After being married for 10 years, I can say that sometimes one of the hardest people to take advice from is your SO / spouse, when ironically they're often the best person to give you advice.

Let's just say that I would put relationship harmony ahead of dietary perfection in terms of priorities :-). People have to be in a certain frame of mind in order to take on the challenge of changing their diet and exercise patterns, and trying to hit someone with what might be good suggestions at the wrong time is not likely to get anywhere.

If she's open to learning more about it, you could bring it up as a way to inform her rather than criticize. If she isn't really interested... you might just impress her with your own improvements and see if she catches on.

To answer your question "How do keep from feeling upset...."

I would say that it's natural for you to have feelings, bad or good, about your partner and her choices. But I'd also say that your feelings about how she eats are not her problem - your feelings=your problem.

On the other hand, if you feel upset and then act like a jerk to her, that becomes her problem. So don't act like a jerk! (And if you haven't already been kind of a jerk by bugging her about this stuff- don't start!)

Can you focus on your own stuff and let her focus on her own stuff?

Or is her eating differently from you a dealbreaker? What if she stays overweight forever? Is that a dealbreaker? If it's not, you better figure out a way to let her live her life without making your feelings her problem.

You say you're overweight yourself - if your experience is anything like mine, I'm guessing that having people on your case about your "health" wasn't too motivating. People don't change until they're ready to change.

I used to smoke, and my boyfriend at the time used to nag me insistently about it, and all it did was create resentment. I knew it wasn't healthy habit - as it happens, I'm a pretty smart cookie - but at the end of the day, all he managed to do was make me feel incapable of making healthy decisions for myself. That I needed to have my hand held. I understand that he was concerned for my health, I appreciated the concern, but his methods were found lacking.

As it happens, I did quit, by myself, after I ended my relationship with him (and not just because of the whole smoking thing, I assure you). I did it because I wanted to, not to appease someone else. That makes a world of difference.

Ultimately, no one here can give you THE foolproof way to handle this little roadbump. After all, we're not the ones who have to deal with the consequences, and we're not her. Nor do we know her. At best, I can say to just keep eating the way you're eating, and when she gets curious, answer her questions, or slip a book or URL her way. Don't let it eat away at you. While her decisions may frustrate you, that doesn't change the fact that it's ultimately her problem, and not yours. Other people here have said it, but it's worth repeating: you can't help her if she's not willing to help herself.

One of the more romantic realms of human life involves shared activities centered on food - growing it, harvesting it, hunting it, fishing for it, preparing it, cooking it, eating it, digesting it, even shopping can be an intimate experience. Try to find foods (WITHIN Paleo parameters) you can BOTH agree on. There are probably elements of the Paleo experience that she can indulge in and relish with the same fervor as you do!

So just sit down together, let her know you want to spoil her more often. Then, start to do more to make dining together a more romantic, mutually shared experience. Design a menu TOGETHER.

From there, take it a step further. Give her full body massages after meals as you rest and digest. Be spontaneous with your rewards but center the romance on the intimate experience that can be achieved through your connection with the extravagant offerings of the Earth.

Conversely, if you look at your diet as some sort of limitation, so will she. Paleo removes 2 food groups - true. But your choices from there are unlimited. Look at the diet as an opportunity for growth, revival, EVOLUTION and delicious taste.

You can learn to cook Paleo meals together and do everything from shopping for the elusive primal ingredients to licking clean her last spoonful.

The Paleo Diet is rich, flavorful and romantic.

Put your PALEO SWAGGER into it and you can make it that way for yourself and for HER.

Work it.

Work it.

UH!

(DISCLAIMER: I am highly manipulative but try to reserve these powers for the betterment of humankind).

First, recognize that she is most likely suffering from addictions - society-sanctioned addictions that are very difficult to recognize or imagine life without when you're in the middle of them. When you're in the middle of this, the idea of going paleo can feel like someone is asking you to give up everything that makes life worth living, and that paleo is only for people who really like veggies and liver, or who have more willpower. People in the middle of SAD addiction aren't easily able to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know that for me, I can look at people saying "I'd love to lose weight/have more energy/get rid of my autoimmune condition/whatever, but I could never give up bread/pastries/rice/peanut butter/sugar!" and think they're totally crazy for preferring to continue in pain than to even try. But when I stop and look back at where I used to be.. if you'd told me a year ago that I'd pass up free cookies and not feel the least bit deprived or regretful about it, I never would have believed you. But it was a series of baby steps that got me here, not a sudden leap.

Things that might help:

Ask her for help with your own diet. Say that you don't want to restrict what she eats, but that having it around the house makes it hard for you, so could she please just eat that stuff out of the house. (This works best if you're sincere about it and the stuff really is a temptation for you - if you're just saying it, it may come across as coercive.)

Focus on one issue at a time. See if she's willing to give gluten-free a try, and don't worry about carbs or other grains for the time being. Have good, appealing gluten-free food around - if it's paleo, all the better, but you might try Puffins cereal or something in place of the Kashi, for example. Look at dessert and treat recipes. Overcoming one hurdle, and learning to think outside the SAD box about food can make the rest seem more realistic.

Then, when she's ready, try dropping the grains and/or legumes. Or the processed food. Or HFCS. Or some other baby step. Or toss it up entirely and eliminate the processed food first, but continue with WAPF-style soaked/sprouted grains for a while. Focus on what she is willing to change, rather than trying to dump it all on her at once.

GAPS and SCD can be less intimidating than full-on paleo.

And, as others have said, just lead by example. Enjoy your improving health without being obnoxious about it. Make yummy paleo meals that you both enjoy. Share info with her if/when she's receptive. Enjoy your life and don't dwell on things you can't control.

the old saying is so true,..."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!"

As other have said best thing to do is by example. Over time perhaps she'll pick up some cues from you and eventually just slide into your good habits. But, even I have found, that you can talk until your green in the face, they won't make changes until they want to. It has to come from them and perhaps even be their idea.

Just keep doing what you are doing and hopefully it doesn't cause any real issues between you. There are times to 'pick your battles'.....I personally don't care for excessive drinking so thats where I draw the line in the sand and dig in.

This sounds like an image thing and that's it. Even if you looked like Brad Pitt in Fight Club you wouldn't have enough justification to come down on her like that about her diet. If you think the grass is greener, you need to re-evaluate your relationship, learn to deal with it or let it stress you out.

Lead by example and cook for her. Now that I'm getting better at cooking paleo and not just grubbing sardines with a side of ground beef for dinner, people are much more responsive to the diet. A salad with 10 delicious paleo toppings is a little extra work but now I can spark people's interest in paleo with one meal.

Focus on getting to your own goal weight first and when she sees you reach your goal, she might be more interested in joining you.

This was an issue for me too. My ex and I had both lost weight, but he started lapsing and regaining. I admit it was somewhat emasculating when I'd see all the sugary crap he was eating and drinking after all the work he had done to slim down. It wasn't why we broke up, but it might have contributed. To be honest it was even harder because I knew that he knew better and was being self-destructive. Maybe your GF doesn't know? Maybe you need to consider the long-term outlook? Do you want to raise children? Do you want to raise children with someone who eats badly? Do you think this will affect your future love life (as noble as we try to be, we can't beat biology!!!)?

You aren't married yet, so you still have a chance to make these decisions now.

In terms of family/spouses, you can't do that. With those people I've just tried to share and not be coercive. They've seen what the diet does for me and some of them have followed suit. You can also offer to make breakfast, maybe offer her some paleo breakfast in bed? I mean, there is hope, because Kashi is a hellofalot better than her eating Lucky Charms and Koolaid!

This might be of use. I've been trying to get my wife to go paleo for a while now. She still hasn't. But the thread has a similar theme to yours, and a lot of good info in there.

TL;DR You can't make her change, you can't make her healthy, and you can't make her make healthy choices. Lead by example and hope she chooses to follow.

This is how I would look at it: If you're not paying for her health insurance, then let her be. If you are paying for her health insurance, then you have a say in it. The more unhealthy you are the higher potential for medical problems. So just stop paying it. A lot of companies are now only hiring those who do not smoke, because they will pay less in their health insurance in the long run.

It's hard to get people to change. They have to make the choice themselves, not someone else. They have to hit "rock bottom" before they want to get help for themselves. Maybe she's fine with the way she lives/eats/feels. It's going to be hard to change that.

Good luck!

This may sound harsh......but if youre not married......dump her. It may get her to realize how important it is for you and for her. I was married and made my wife and daughter move out for a weekend about three years ago. And it worked. Now they both say that if I did not go that extreme they would have never thought about changing themselves.

Since I was tied to them both maybe this was more effective but if she loves you she may realize that this is a big deal to your future together.

I know this may sound harsh to many but I felt I had to do something when I saw my family slowly dying in front of me.

Definitely consider buying "The Primal Blueprint" by Mark Sisson, which is Paleo to a lesser extent. It could help her bridge that gap between needing starchy foods and knowing that less is best. A little rice now and then is fine on Primal, as are yams and the less starchy potatoes, but we're talking once or twice a month at most. Or just very small (1/4 c or less) amounts once a week. As long as she keeps her fat intake highest (and protein higher than carb), she'll still benefit.

It's also one of those "things" that takes awhile before it really sinks in. People who aren't ready will fight tooth and nail to keep their sugar and carb addictions satisfied. Just keep going with what you're doing, be a good example to her, and when it's your turn to make dinner or whatever - don't cow-tow to her addictions, make the choices for her. She'll eventually come around, unless she's so sugar-laden that she goes the other way and plays to your emotions (the old "you don't love me anymore" ploy). Then it's time for her to get a reality check.

I used to be her. :) I speak from experience.

My wife and I are a team. We have a goal: Better. We might not have known how the heck to do it but we have gotten this far. I would not want to waste my precious time on this earth with someone who didn't feel the same way.

My take on the subject. It specifically refers to Primal but applicable to Paleo in general.

Doing a half-hearted paleo can be worse than none at all, as you're generally upping caloric density while maintaining a broken metabolism.

If she won't go whole hog, ask her not to eat what you cook.