Know-It-All: "Carbohydrate is burned first; that's how we know it's the body's preferred fuel."

Me: "Actually, alcohol is burned even before carbohydrate. You're going to need a lot more whiskey, friend."

Usually in response to the ever so popular "everything in moderation!", I like to pick up a piece of plastic and attempt to eat it. When I get a stare and a blank look I calmly inform them that it's ok because I'm not overeating it.

Eating bananas is what makes you a banana.

"Everybody knows bacon is bad for you." Then just eat a pound of bacon right in front of them.

When people say "everything is moderation" or "a little of what you fancy does you good" I have been known to say, "look around you, does it look like everything in moderatioon works?" or "I'm sorry but it looks to me that it's really not the case that people are having a "little" of what they fancy"

In reply to "eating fat is what makes you fat," you can reply "eat sh*t and die!"

Not really humorous, but I tend to say "tell that to an alcoholic."

Thanks for sharing something special about yourself.

"Everything in moderation"...including moderation. "Everything in moderation"... then have sex with a smaller penis. "Eating fat makes you fat...I am not fat, so eat me..."Gorillas are big and strong so eat like a gorilla"...eat like a gorilla, fart like a gorilla...'Veggies are micronutrient dense"..eat vegetables, think like a vegetable..."death begins in the colon"...only if your nose is there..."Vegeterians live longer"...but all of that extra time is spent cutting lettuce..."Gandhi was a vegeterian"...so was Hitler..."You should work out every day"...When I feel athletic, I go to a sports bar..."I am a fruititarian"...I would eat fruit too except I am not gay..."I am a fruititarian"...Fruit is the plant's baby, so you're an abortionist.

"everything in moderation" ---- "have you had your arsenic today.... just a little bit"

"eating fat makes you fat" ---- does eating protein make you protein?

my personal favorite "there is no conclusive scientific evidence that (insert theory here) is bad for you"----- "there are no studies showing that eating rocks is bad for you.... just because no one has done a study on it doesn't make it false."

This last one is in fact my biggest pet peeve. People think they are being logical and scientific, and confuse lack of evidence with proof of the contrary.

"You know, there are lot of people who would disagree with you..."

"And there are a lot of people who would agree."