My boyfriend and I went Paleo at the same time, and he either gave up or just.. I don't know but he's ordering pizzas and we have bread in the house again and its driving me mad. I already eat too much, but with all the cookies and candy and crap coming to work now too it is very very very hard to do anything right.
It feels physically wrong if someone is eating and I am not doing the same so I can't skip dinner and if someone brings treats to work its really hard to say no. If we go out to a restaurant, even if I say "I'm not going to have that bread" I usually eat a piece anyway.
I think I'm heavier now than when I started. I haven't been to the gym in months. My commute is killing me. I still only get about 6 hours of sleep per night. It's going to start snowing soon so going outside is even less of a possibility.
How do you do it when you don't have support? Because he totally is not helping and its making me miserable and fat.
Hate to say but "he" is not making you anything of the sort. We have to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions. He can do as he wishes and so can you. Take control...recognize why you want to eat right and exercise...and if its not for yourself then you have to rethink why your doing things. Love yourself first and lead by example.
I have seen similar complaints before and frankly I'm kind of baffled by them. Unless your boyfriend is forcing food down your throat while you are sleeping, this isn't his fault. He is an adult and he is free to decide what he wants to put into his own body--as are you.
My dh isn't paleo and it hasn't been an issue. At all. I do the cooking, so we eat paleo foods for dinner, but we have non-paleo foods in the house for his other meals or snacks. I simply don't eat them. I really don't think I have any kind of amazing willpower. I'm just committed to doing what is best for my body, so I don't find those foods tempting.
Make a commitment to take control of your life and your food choices and don't worry about what anyone else is doing.
OK ... Have you asked for support? When I decided to lose the weight in 2007, I sat down with my husband and laid out some ground rules. Initially it was no crap in the house and I did "cheats" with him -- he could put in the request, I could say not today honey. He has ample opportunity to eat crap if he's going to when I'm not around. After a while I relaxed the junk-in-the-house rule because it just didn't appeal to me.
If your boyfriend cares about you, he should be willing to make some concessions to help you out, no? Even if that doesn't mean staying on the paleo train with you. Would it kill him to have the pizza for lunch at work? Night out with the guys? I'm seeing a lot of "don't blame him" and "take responsibility" here, and yes, ultimately those sentiments are true. However partnerships are about supporting each other in endeavors even if they're not our own, right? Silly as it may sound, your bf may not be aware of your struggling if you don't tell him. "Honey, you don't have to do this paleo thing with me, but I really want to do this for myself b/c it makes me feel good ... Do you think you could help me out by not bringing XYZ into the house and eating it in front of me?"
At the time I did VLC, and found VLC & "man meals" were actually highly compatible. I imagine paleo friendly is even easier to pull off. I used to make a protein and veggies for me, and then a starch side for him. How easy is that? Now I'll have some of the starch these days (I'm mostly PHD).
Oranges13: Not trying to dog you, but you seem basically conflicted about whether or not you want to change your habits. For example: you say you never wake up in time to eat breakfast. Why not? Do you really want to? If so, you simply set an alarm and get out of bed.
It's not "wrong"not to eat when someone else is eating, and it's not "wrong" to eat something different. It might be useful for you to examine your thoughts about this. It sounds like your personal boundaries could be more defined.
Maybe some congnitive-behavioral therapy would help you sort out your feelings and behavior. This would reap benefits that would extend beyond just your dietary choices.
I feel bad for you, Oranges! You're beating yourself up. It also sounds like you're conditioned to not rock the boat, and to put a priority on pleasing everyone else around you, even if it's to the detriment of what is good for you (is this a female thing?). And then when you don't meet your own tough standards, you hate yourself, on top of all that. You said:
It feels physically wrong if someone is eating and I am not doing the same so I can't skip dinner and if someone brings treats to work its really hard to say no.
hate to break it to you but there will ALWAYS be people eating when you're not hungry, people offering you stuff you shouldn't eat, adverse weather, etc. If you've got a solid inner sense of what matters to you, you have a rock to stand on and you can live your life by your own rules. But if you place a higher priority on pleasing other people and fitting in, you'll be swayed by every little breeze that comes along and spiral down with it. I don't think you need more willpower work - I think you need more self-confidence, dare I say self-love work. Make YOU the priority in your own life - and then I think the rest will follow. Easier said than done, maybe...
I think the only solution in this case is to be able to be satisfied with less than perfect. For example, I'm in the midst of moving now. My entire apartment is in boxes. So no, I'm not cooking perfect paleo meals every night. I'm doing second tier though and I'm feeling fine. Second tier means I'm eating the salads at Chipotle (with extra meat) and Thai takeout (mostly Thai salads, but also a little rice) quite a bit. I have gained absolutely no weight.
I would also make sure you are bringing your own snacks at work and at a restaurant order a paleo appetizer so you can have a nibble when the bread comes.
But having a boyfriend who is lousy support really is tough. I think in the past I've been able to do it by building up contempt for the food so I just won't touch it, but then it would spill over into contempt for him, particularly when he started putting on weight. It definitely contributed to breaking up. Have you talked to him about it?
In the end, hon, you have to be doing this because you want to do it. You're not ignoring other people, you're making healthy, non-destructive choices for yourself.
I've been walking the 'ancestral nutrition' road for about 2 years now, without my companion of 15 years, and having to cook two separate meals for most of it, because she had no interest in making the change. I stuck with it for myself -- because it felt right to me. My body changed with it, and she got to see that, and in the end, it was my persistence -without- her that gave her the courage to try this as well... that, and the knowledge that I wasn't going to abandon her if she decided it wasn't the right place for her.
As far as work -- I've started 'countering' the swell of "holiday foods" by bringing in my own treats and even sharing them about. Same goes for the upcoming 'potluck' holiday celebrations. I'll be bringing food I know that I can eat -- and if there isn't anything else on the buffet that I will put into my body, at least I'll be able to share a meal and conversation with my co-workers without worrying about whether I'm going to feel crappy either.
Just informationally, my step-daughter has major allergies -- so she goes through this every time she goes to eat out with friends. It's all in your perspective. If you want to do this for yourself, then you'll realize that you have the ability and the right to make choices that work for you, and you'll make them when you choose to, without needing to lay blame if you make a different choice now and again -- you'll just recognize how you feel about it, and if you don't like that choice, make a different one the next time the option arises.
Own your shit and take responsibility for what you're putting in your body. Sorry to be so harsh, but it's true. If you really think that you have a food dependency issue then check out an OA meeting- they have them online 24 hours per day.
I'm in the same boat, the best thing I did for myself is to stop stressing about the situation. That stress will kill you and rip your relationship apart.
It's going to be a shit ton harder to stay strong while your partner isn't paleo but I've come to realize that some people just don't have to eat strictly paleo to be "healthy." It's harder for them to realize how important our way of eating is to us and we can't really hold that against them.
Take control of the kitchen and make paleo food, if he doesn't want it then he can fend for himself. If you honestly can't have a relationship with a non-paleo person then you need to re-evaluate the position you're in because he isn't going to change unless he gets hit with health problems like most of us here have or realizes that he might lose you if he doesn't.
Either way, the one thing you can't do is guilt him into being paleo because he'll always resent you for it. My girlfriend is paleoish but still doesn't realize that more than a day of eating the way I used to is going to completely tear me up. It's rough but I love her and it's going to take more than a diet to change that. I was really frustrated at first too but it gets easier, I just had to build more self control and discipline to not cave in and eat the SAD food she keeps at my place. Stay strong.
You should learn to cook woman. Your man can't order pizza everyday and during time he will grow fonder to your perfect paleo meal [looking at Melissa]. Its easy, because perfect paleo meal includes lots of meat and saturated fat and men like those far more then cookies [you can bet on that, unless you have a man with more female horrmones].
Since one of the major problems is that "it feels physically wrong if someone is eating and I am not doing the same" I can solve this one pretty fast for you - if it feels wrong, then you eat it too, just don't eat the same stuff - while he eats pizza, you can eat bacon or almonds. Thats one of the points of restoran hang out, people do not typically order the same thing.
The added side benefit of cooking is that you can control your man via kitchen. So its WIN WIN combination IMO.
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