many of you may be aware of the "shit girls say" youtube video that spawned dozens of knockoffs. there's a "shit vegans say," so i think there should be a "shit paleo people say."
who's with me?
i'll start: "its not a diet, its a lifestyle."
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35
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To sick friend: "Have you considered switching up your diet?" To overweight friend: "Have you considered switching up your diet?" To underperforming friend: "Have you considered switching up your diet?" To depressed friend: "Have you considered switching up your diet?" To friend being attacked by a shark: "Have you considered switching up your diet?" |
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34
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Is three bunches of kale enough? I'm so inflammed! Can you pass me some fish oil? I am SO building a fire pit! Did you have your D tested yet? Oh my god, I am SO missing the sun! He's like so cute, in a pasty, kind of vegan way. What do you mean insulin doesn't make you fat? It does too, bitch! Hey, it's part of my frickin' 20%, okay? [whilst scarfing potato chips] And potatoes are a safe starch! But I read where Kurt Harris and John Durant both ate a cookie. Last week I was primal, this week I'm whole 30, next week I'm gonna try Ray Peat. I'm 'bout to go ham. |
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22
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can you pass me the kerrygold? oh, and the coconut oil? what do you mean i can't climb this tree?! yea, i'd like 4 dozen eggs. i'm trying the 'safe-starch'-thing right now. what do you mean you stay on the treadmill for 45 minutes?! sex is considered 'play,' right? no, thanks. i'm doing my weekly 24-hour fast. my omegas are totally out of balance right now. do you mind if i grab that log? i'm working on liking the 99% dark chocolate. you need to read this success story! |
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15
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'What kind of offal do you eat?' 'Are there grains in this?' 'Is __ paleo?' 'How can I consume more fat?' 'Are 6 eggs/day enough?' 'What's your favorite bone broth?' 'She's probably a vegan' |
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15
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Person 1 (in the process of transitioning from SAD to Paleo): Q: "I'm so hungry all the time! I just want bread and pasta! How did you do it?!" Paleo Person A: "Just keep putting nuts and meat in your mouth" Ohhh....the innuendo ;] |
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14
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Having problems with pooping?skin?love?the moon? eat more fat! |
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13
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Do you have heavy cream for my coffee? Yeah, the real HEAVY one. Please without the Rice, but more Veggies/Meat! Yeah, one CAN live without the f*cking bread. Nope, whole grains are evil, too. Very sorry. |
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13
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My girl went Paleo and all I got was this lousy lettuce wrap. |
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13
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"Can I leave early? I have 30 pounds of grass fed beef sitting on my doorstep and I don't want it to spoil." ^True story. |
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12
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No, I said a Norcal Margarita. Yes, with real lemon juice, and loads of tequila. No, don't sweeten it, yes, I do like it like that. |
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11
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Don't eat that! I hear it has lectins and they are totally bad news! Dude, that apple has tons of fructose. If you don't eat high-fructose corn syrup, you shouldn't be eating that apple. (BTW these are both based stuff I've seen posted on the paleo reddit, which is full of bros for some reason) |
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11
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Broke Paleo: "Will work for MEAT". Married Paleo: "Come on honey, let's go sexercise". Hangover Paleo: "I feel like crap, where's the meat/bacon?" Paleo Pregnancy announcement: "We have a roast in the oven!" Skanky Paleo: "I'm so easy, a caveman could do me" |
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11
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Life isn't always sunshine and slow-cooked meat |
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10
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Are those Vibrams on your feet, or are you just happy to see me? |
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10
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Does does this have enough fat? How many pounds of meat you eat per day? How much coffee do you add to your morning cream? Can I get that with some extra butter on the side? What to do with extra egg whites? I only eat the yolks... Anyone want to cowpool? |
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8
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"Is it grass-fed, organic?" |
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8
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YOU DONT NEED SUPPLEMENTS YOU CAN GET IT ALL FROM FOOD |
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7
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Great idea!
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7
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"That's not food" At least that's what I say. A lot. "Tubers are Paleo. Coz I said so. Anyway, I'm part Latin American." "Wine or cider?" "Where are the sea vegetables?" "I have a beard because it grows there naturally" "You'd look great in a loincloth" "Wanna ride the brontosaurus?" "I don't have a club, exactly, but maybe this will do..." "Let's go on a forest holiday" "Let's go fishing" "I can't believe it's illegal to hunt with a bow and arrow" "Have you read Walden"? |
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7
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Yes I want heavy whipping cream in my coffee. No, not half and half. Heavy cream. (to SB barista) Excuse me, but do you serve real butter at this restaurant? I'm allergic to margarine. (to friend whos complaining about colds) "Would you like some Bone broth? I have a whole freezer full. You best get on a. Vitamin d regimin too! " "Is lamb shank or sweet potato a good first food for my 6 month old?" |
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6
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Grok no eat grains. Grains bad. |
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6
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It's not THAT expensive--compared to prescriptions and tubes out your nose. |
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5
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I'm in this for the long run |
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5
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No. I don't want any sunscreen--I'm trying to lower my intake of fish oil in the sunny months. |
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5
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Please Pass the Bacon |
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5
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A group eating a meal at a restaurant or dinner party, or maybe I see some strangers sitting at a table: Luisa: Oh, I see you're not eating those bones, can I have them? Thanks. |
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4
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Can I kill it, heat it, eat it? |
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3
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"you think they sell fish oil capsules in 50 gallon drums?" |
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3
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to boss: "I'd like a standing desk." |
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3
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Here's a one for you: n=1 |
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