I've been gluten free for two years and this was from my mother last week - The entire family is at a steakhouse and I am waiting on my yummy prime rib. They bring the plates of bread and the whole table dives on it like they have never seen bread before.

She says to me - "Do you want some bread? Oh wait...does bread have wheat?" I have stopped trying.

~~~ My friend said "Dr. Atkins died of a heart attack from blocked arteries." I said "No he didn't. He died from hitting his head on the sidewalk." She said "Well, I don't believe in low carb diets.

I didn't know low carb was a belief system!

Do you get to use forks?

Conversation between a friend and me. He's 19 years old, approximately 40 pounds overweight, and sedentary.

"So, how much longer are you going to be on this diet?" (I've been on it for a month.)

"Well, I'm trying it out, and if I like it then I'll do it indefinitely."

"But that's terrible!" (You could hear the exasperation in his voice.)

"No, terrible is feeling lethargic every afternoon from 1 to 4."

Obese, sedentary roommate in his early 30s with arthritis:

"So, you know how doing this whole paleo crossfit thing is pretty much a full time job for you?"

"Uh, no.."

I heard these two yesterday:

"After doing all that Zumba today, I deserve that corn dog!"

and

(after piling a plate with macaroni and cheese and a dinner roll, says), "I'm gonna be a fatty today and get some meat." (puts a piece of beef rib on plate that is approximately the size of my thumb)

SMH lol!!!

This video has already been made!!!! haha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2fmJDiWGDA

Every once in a while when I get a cold or when my migraines come back, my mom blames "Paleo", and everyone in the family, just goes along...

"Aren't you too young to get your arteries clogged up?" "Cavemen died at the age of 30." <- I never know how to answer this "Coconut oil is bad for your heart" And there's always things that my friends the nutrition graduates start debating. "Why does your food look so weird?" and there's always my brother in law who argues with me about science and health (he has nothing to do with either, and he's very PRO-pharmaceuticals), yet is always drinking diet coke, and smoking.

"I'm going to try what you recommend tonight."

From an overweight friend.

I recommended him paleo and weight training.

Tonight when we went to the gym, he headed straight for the treadmill.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

"who do you think you are, Ron Swanson?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrIeP798hiQ

"you aren't going to eat this donut I brought the group?"

"we miss you, why don't you come out with us as much" :( need to work on ordering at restaurants so I can still have friends

"so you only eat raw meat?"

• Me: I'm trying to eat healthier because of a digestive condition

• Friend: Oh, so you must eat a lot of whole grains then? My husband has diabetes and doc told us to make sure he gets his whole grains.

• Me: No actually I dont eat grains. They have these things called antinutrients-

• Friend glares at me and turns away
• She and her husband are both obese. Just sayin'

"You know, your brain can't function without carbs."

"What about the seven nations study?"

"Wait. . . you're NOT vegetarian?" - said by many, many folks who have seen me eating amounts of veg/salads they consider inhumane. My answer is usually, "I like vegetables. With bloody rare meat."

"You're not a doctor." - said by relatives, mostly, after they ask for advice and I tell them something they don't like.

"What smells funny?" - other office inhabitants who have the "misfortune" of walking into the kitchen as I crack open a can of kipper snacks. Cue them opening the freezer to retrieve #14 of 38 Lean Cuisines they have stashed.

"Can you eat that?" "Can you eat this?" "Can you eat ANYTHING?"

"I eat whatever the F*ck I want, as long as it tastes good"

"I really want to have this 'x,' but it's 3 points and I'm saving my points b/c I'm going to the Cheesecake Factory later."

But it has electrolytes...

"At least I'm not going to die from eating some weird shit."

-my SAD friend while i put an avocado on top of a burger patty.

I know I'm late on this, but:

Bodybuilder friend trying to lean out while eating two sandwiches "I need to do more cardio, man"

Doctor "Have you heard of the China Study?"

Me "Have you heard of Denise Minger?"

Friend drinking and smoking "Man, I don't know anyone with as many health problems as you."

Me "You will soon enough."

My 51 year old co-worker said: "Ewwww" when I told her I had an avocado as a snack earlier.

Then she said: "I've never had an avocado".

Really? in 51 years of living, you've never had an avocado?

Amazing.

"You may want to cut your current vitamin D level by 33 to 50%." --my doctor.

Um, no thanks.

Not from SAD people, but:

"It's great that way of eating works so well for you, but everyone is different, and my system just can't tolerate meat."

You HAVE to see "Forks Over Knives "...

I can't believe that

"But what do you have for breakfast?"

hasn't made it on the list yet. I get that all the time. Usually it's the first follow-up question after asking me to explain how I eat.

"Red meat causes cancer. Want proof? HERE - just look at all these Google search results!"

"I can't afford to eat like that" As they spend $8 on a fast food meal. I cacn cook two or three paleo meals for that price.

Co-worker: "You're on a diet? But you're not overweight!"

Friend who was cooking an all vegetable stir-fry: "I guess this is the exact opposite of what you eat, huh?"

From a recent health magazine for women: EAT MORE FISH!

(OK, I can get behind that.)

BUT IF YOU'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT, SKIP THE FATTY FISH LIKE SARDINES AND SALMON, AND GO FOR TILAPIA.

(Aaarrgh..)

From a friend who is trying to get pregnant: "Well, I eat plenty of whole grains, so no problem there. But I'm going to stop eating fish and carrots. They're dangerous!"

Same friend to me (I'm also TTC): "Aren't you going to eat like a normal person once you're pregnant?"

"I can't eat artichokes. They're too high in fat!" (???)

"No avocado - too fattening. Could I have a side of ranch?"

"I'll have the (menu item), but could you take out the broccoli, cabbage, peppers, and onions?"

Waiter: "So.. you just want the tofu and noodles, nothing else?"

"Oh, I could never do that. I couldn't live without bread!"

"So, basically, you just eat meat, right?"

"You're so good for bringing your own lunch to work. I try, but I always forget." (Um, it's not that hard?)

My biggest thing, and this goes for my history of pre-Paleo eating as well, is that I just don't have a sweet tooth. Friends, family and coworkers just can't understand why I don't want a cookie or piece of candy or other "treat". They stare at me incredulously, like, how can you possibly be denying yourself? You might as well be from another planet if you don't take the proferred sugarbomb, no matter what your reason is.

'One of the guys from Ben and Jerry's died of a heartattack, that's what you get for eating so much fat I guess'

'So why does the NHS tell me that saturated fat is bad?? I think they know more than you fella'

'How many eggs do you eat?' Me: 'about 3 or 4 a day' Friend: 'What??? That's crazy! I eat 2 or 3 a week TOPS'

TV: 'Now 50% less fat!'

Me: 'I eat a high fat diet' Friend 'Dude, mcdonalds is BAD for you' Me: 'I know?'

'Ugh can't believe how many doughnuts I ate! Definitely going for a run tomorrow'

'Dude, shut the f*ck up, no one cares about your eating habits!' Me: 'Sorry'

'I really need to lose weight' Me: 'Just eat a high fat diet' Friend: 'hahahahahaha!'

Women on BBC Breakfast 'The link between red meat and cancer is now basically irrefutable' Reporter: 'So what sorts of things should we be eating instead?' 'Pulses, grains, soy, vegetarian options' Me: 'Aaaaagghhh!!! Shut up!!! Aaggghhhh!!!'

"I can eat all the pizza and ice cream I want! Calories in, calories out!" - SAD person pounding away on a treadmill for 1 hr+

"I have never felt better." - acne ridden, puffy-faced, pudgy vegetarian/vegan

"I eat whole grains and drink Kangen (ionized/scam) water for weight loss." - obese coworker (nurse)

"All that weight you've lost is just water weight. You'll start packing on the pounds with all that FAT you eat." - SAD disbeliever in my 25+ lb weight loss so far.

"But I need potatoes, rice, and pasta to regulate my blood sugar." - Me a year ago.

"But cavemen weren't stressed out because they didn't have traffic or deadlines to worry about." - A newscaster after reviewing the Paleo Lifestyle

"Wanna go get nachos?" - My room mate every day, even after workouts to lose weight.

"You know a diet is bogus when you cut out an entire food group." - A nutritionist friend.

"Hey, that actually tastes really good!"

"Cave men were only 4 feet tall and lived to be about 20 years old. We need to be eating food that is for tall people and we want to live long lives and eating that much meat is not good for you." - Another nutritionist friend.

A family member to me: "Well, Asians eat grains all the time and they're not fat."

"everything in moderation"